6 Ways To Mouse Proof Your House

I see visions. Not like that kid in “The Sixth Sense” but visions that are no less scary. They’re visions of mice. Scurrying across the kitchen floor. Let’s be clear: there are no actual mice scurrying. Because I have the pest control guy on permanent retainer. He visits every 6 weeks. All year. That’s how scared I am of mice. Because we had a mouse problem. Once upon a time.

That’s a thing about living in an old -- I mean, historic -- house that realtors don’t tell you. They seduce you with the high ceilings and stained glass. You’re so busy looking up that you don’t think to look down, at the foundation and baseboards, which (at 100 years old) aren’t as level as one might wish. Unless one were a mouse yearning for a house in which to winter.

So I have some tips on how to mouse-proof your own house. Actually my pest control guy does. Because I interview him extensively every time he’s here. So for today’s “What Experts Wish You Knew” we have mouse-proofing wisdom from Ted, my Terminix guy.

1.     Accept the facts. If you live in the West, this winter’s gonna be bad. We didn’t have a really cold winter last year so the mouse colony is thriving because none of them died from the elements. You need to get your own Ted and have him visit your house regularly. Every 6 weeks in order to stay ahead of the problem.

And by “stay ahead” I mean poison the crackle out of those vermin. And no, environmentalist friends, I don’t care about the introduction of harmful chemical pellets to my home. I consider that a fair trade for the ability to walk into my kitchen without shuddering.

2.    Investigate along the foundation of your house. If there are any holes or gaps fill them up with steel wool. A hole that’s even the size of a thumb tack is big enough for a mouse to get through. Garage doors that sit a bit askew are also a problem. Get your garage service professional out ASAP.

3.    Don’t fill your bird feeders. Because yes, those cute cardinals snack up on bird seed. But so do mice. So, in essence, you’re offering them not only lodging but also a free buffet. Yank the bird feed. It’s your house. Not a Marriott for mice.

4.    Store your dog food in sealed containers. Same rationale as above.

5.    If you have to run from a mouse, avoid the periphery of the room. Mice are blind. They run in a path that hugs the wall. If you are afraid they might dash up your leg – they are, after all, blind – your path, in running from them, should be through the middle of the room.  

6.    If you think your mouse problem is over, don’t store the mouse traps on top of the refrigerator like my fella once did, without my knowledge. Mice are curious. Mice can climb. Use your imagination to envision what I found on top of the refrigerator one morning. Now use your imagination to envision what I yelled at my fella. Because this is a family friendly site so it can’t be reprinted.  

In sum, please don’t be afraid to come over to my house for dinner. Well, you should be a little afraid but only because of my cooking skills, not because our house has a mouse problem. Because it doesn’t anymore. Thanks to the aforementioned tips.

Happy mouse-proofing, guru girls and guys!