A Fond Farewell

This is not me writing my blog. This is me doing my second favorite thing, posing for a silly photo op.

Last week the 12 year old busted me.

“Mom, you need to do another blog post,” she told me, while also rattling off a list of other necessary tasks. Things like buy her non-weird leggings at Target, proofread her essay for Language Arts and make a dozen burritos for the Mexican fiesta in Spanish class the next day.

Huh.

My mind spun. First, you know how I feel about any kind of cooking, much less cooking an unfamiliar dish for a demanding audience (Spanish speaking middle schoolers!)

Also, I wasn’t aware the 12 year old regularly reads my blog. Or that she would like it enough to agitate for a new post.

It turns out the 12 year old does read it. But only because she doesn’t have Instagram or Facebook, which means there’s nothing else to read on her phone at school.

I had to share the bad news with her: There will be no new blog posts.

Guru Girl Guide To Greatness has run its course. I am still just as full of advice and embarrassing personal stories. But you will have to have lunch with me to hear them!

The fact is social media has always made me nervous. I feel this way now more than ever since we have a 12 year old who finds startling and inappropriate things on it, despite not having any social media accounts. I just don’t want her to find startling and inappropriate things on it, about her, written by her own mother!

Thus, I am on to new creative endeavors. And yes, by this I mean figuring out how to make a dozen burritos with a special Spanish flair. 

On deadline. 

Thanks for reading, guru girls and guys! I’ve had a blast writing Guru Girl and doing the “market research” (okay, shopping) to make it the best it could be!

Have a great week!  

My New Favorite Show: "Playing House"

Last weekend the 12 year old was hired for her first dogsitting gig. When I say 12 year old I mean it was me and Guru Guy who were hired. Because although the 12 year old accepted the job, the 7 a.m. “wake up and let the dog out” duty fell to us.

Luckily, we both fell in love with the frisky pup in our care.

Which is exactly the way I feel about Emma and Maggie, the frisky heroines of my new favorite t.v. series, “Playing House”.

Emma and Maggie are best friends from childhood. They’re now in their 30s and recent roomies, shacking up in order to raise Maggie’s new baby together in their hometown.

Emma and Maggie are quirky, irreverent and into everything I am: HGTV, romantic comedies and Kenny Loggins hits from the 80s! And they also use inventive lingo that will make you cry in a good way, like referring to those tasteful nursing cover ups as hooter hiders.

I don’t invent lingo like this, but I do abuse the heck out of cool phrases the dogsitter brings home from middle school. After cooking a particularly good dinner, I sometimes shout in victory,”Like a boss!” I am also working on my nae, nae and stanky leg.

But back to the t.v. review -- “Playing House’ is really, really funny. And heartwarming too. Like a really good meeting of your book club. And you don’t even have to squeeze into stylish clothes or fight traffic for the laughs.

Tune into USA network on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. or watch on demand to see for yourself. Any show that has a fantasy sequence of the Property Brothers is worth a 30 minute try! 

3 Life Lessons & Not 1 Celeb Mention

The universe has been talking to me lately.

Last weekend my fella and I scored the last patio table at a fancy French restaurant. I walked over to it with more than a little “yeah, I’m hot stuff” swagger.

Until I sat down and realized this was the view.

This is the Universe telling me to remember what counts. It’s the inside that’s important, not the outside. Especially if the outside features an unobstructed view of an angel’s a$$.

Universe Lesson #1: Remember what’s important: the people you’re with, not the where.  

Last week the internet went down for 2 days here at Chez Guru. It was so frustrating I finally tried meditation, a practice I’ve been advocating a full year now. But hadn’t found time to do yet myself. 

As I’ve said, this blog is aspirational, even for me. No one can possibly do all the healthy, wholesome, stylish, organized things I recommend!

So there I was meditating. For 4 whole minutes before the dog found me.

Universe Lesson #2: Be still. To listen to your breath or -- if you’re a bad meditator like me -- to receive kisses from your dog.

Both bring much needed perspective. You are the not the center of the universe. Except to your dog.

So make time for the love. Anytime someone who actually thinks you’re the center of the universe – whether it’s your pet, your kiddo, your partner -- is trying to connect with you, make the time. Don’t put them off because you’re too busy trying to fix the damn internet.

My last “a ha” moment happened today when I drove by a sign advertising an upcoming Firearm Festival. It specified all the great stuff that was going to happen there. Fun! Children’s Activities!

At the Firearm Festival. Naturally.

Universe Lesson #3:

Lighten up. Remember to laugh. Some things are absolutely absurd.

Don’t get so caught up in the drama and the to-do list that you forget to appreciate the funny side of life.

Maybe I’m looking too hard for signs from the universe. But I think, if we slow down and try to tune in, it’s waiting for us to hear and see the signs it’s throwing down. 

You don’t have to be an excellent meditator to get there. Sometimes it smacks you right in the face. With a pair of wings;)

Happy Wednesday, guru girls & guys! This week may you be connected, to friends, family and the internet!

I Saw The Sign: And It Rocked My Kitchen

I’m a sucker for monograms. And also dogs and babies. But it’s not as easy to pick up a new model of those at your favorite boutique. 

So I content myself with monograms. On towels. Beach totes. You name it, I’ll monogram it ;)

What’s better than a monogram? A full on personalized item with your whole name. Like when you were a kid, spinning the drugstore rack of mini-license plates, searching for one with your name. If you were Jennifer or Lisa, you scored. If you were guru girl? Not so much.

But these days I’m in luck! Because these days there’s Etsy, aka my own personal kingdom of artists, ready to do my bidding. Now if only they had an Etsy for laundry and food prep!

My latest whim is a vintage looking sign personalized with my last name. Because I saw a similar one in a magazine featuring a celebrity kitchen, and it’s too fabulous for words.

It offers just the right touch of classic charm. And the personalization thrills my inner pre-teen. Sometimes listening to Inner Pre-Teen isn’t such a great idea. Like when she tells me to wear glittery eye shadow. Or roller skate.

But when my inner voice tells me to order up this personalized sign – a steal of a deal at $46 – I listen with no fear of regret. Or embarrassing, sparkly pictures tagged on Facebook. (Click this link.)

The Khloe Kardashian Of Clutches

                          Available at Michael's (the craft shop) for under $5. 

What’s that famous Jane Austen line? “It is a truth universally acknowledged… yada, yada, yada.”

I can never remember the rest of that darn line. Possibly because the information it contains isn’t so relevant to my life. But here’s some info that is.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that some August magazine articles – the ones that are fall staples – are a complete and utter waste of time.

The ubiquitous “Ways To Jazz Up Your Kid’s Lunch”. This peppy feature covers nothing a real kid would eat. Ever.

The even worse “Ways To Transition Your Summer Outfits To Fall Ones”. No actual cute-in-real-life outfit ever resulted from the advice offered by this article.

But sometimes magazines get it right. This month they’re all showcasing cute clutches.

Hallelujah! Have never met a cute clutch I didn’t like. Because they make you streamline your stuff for a night out. And they help you find your stuff if you throw a few in your bucket bag. Which should be more aptly named the black-hole-of-stuff bag, but I digress.

Bonus points if the purses are cheap and witty. Which these little numbers from Michael’s are! Now you get today’s title, right?

Now go out and get yourself a clutch too;)

2 Tremendous Travel Tips

These are not the travel tips. These are the dogs, who spent vacation masquerading as rockers on an album cover from the 70s. 

So on my way home from vacation Sunday I read the magazine article “Packing Hacks”. File this under the “day late, dollar short” category in my life. Because this info would have been so helpful before I went on vacation.

And left all my necklaces at home because it makes me so bitter when they end up a tangled mess at the bottom of my suitcase, alongside other travel oddities. See: hotel sewing kits, baggage tags and money from foreign locales one can’t remember having visited.

But I am happy I learned the most important Travel Tip at the beginning of summer.

If you want to stay healthy (when on germy airplanes to get to some exotic locale where you will get money you will squirrel away in the bottom of your suitcase for the next 10 years), you have to get some Neosporin antibiotic cream.

Next, you have to pop it on a q-tip and swirl it around the inside tip of each nostril. This is gross, but it will also keep germs at bay which makes the gross-ness worth it. And if you have kids or pets this act doesn’t even make the top 10 list of gross things you’ve done this week alone.

Like life with kids and pets, an illness-free vacation is worth it.

A vacation – that includes jewelry and shoes – is also an interesting idea. So I’ll share the “travel hack” info too.

1.      To pack necklaces: cut open a straw and loop the necklace through the straw to prevent tangling. Genius!

2.    To pack germy shoes: wrap them in the plastic shower caps the hotel provides. This way exotic dirt on all your clothes is not one of the souvenirs you’re bringing home.

Happy end-of-summer vacationing, guru girls & guys!

6 Super Summer Reads

Yesterday Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert announced their divorce. The country music superstars are calling it quits. 

Their marital bust up is sad news for them but good news for fans like guru girl. Because there’s nothing like a love-gone-wrong song. I predict they’ll both write many. And Miranda’s will have just the right mix of unhinged vengeance and regret.

Which is exactly how I felt today when I went to tell you all about my favorite new jacket from Boden only to find that it’s sold out. Sold out in less than a month!

So Miranda and I are both women scorned. Yearning for a future that will never be. Me with my Isla jacket. Miranda with Blake.

I’ll get over the Boden betrayal through escape. Into the arms of a good book. Or 10.

Miranda will probably get on with it too. Into the arms of a good boy-toy back up dancer. Or 10.

Here’s my wish list this summer. Please note none of them are named Casper.

Books I Want To Read This Summer*

(*because they're new releases & most reviews say they're good)

A Window Opens by Elisabeth Egan

Bradstreet Gate by Robin Kirman

Among The Ten Thousand Things by Julia Pierpont

Maybe In Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Dismantling by Brian DeLeeus

Dietland by Sarai Walker

Happy reading, guru girls & guys!

Best Summer Top Ever: Mariella T From Boden

Sometimes it’s good to bust out of a rut. Yesterday, the guru crew did that by going on a mystery scavenger hunt.

We were locked in a room and given a bunch of clues to solve the mystery.

We were terrible detectives. It was the longest 60 minutes of a Saturday I’ve ever spent. Half the detectives – not naming names here– kept wearing the clues. The other half kept yelling,”Take those clues off. You could get lice.”

No one understood any of the clues. So forget about solving them. If guru guy and I want to stay married, we must never, ever open a detective agency together. It was that bad.

So I’m returning to the tried & true. In family activities. And in fashion.

My favorite tried & true look for summer is simple: white jeans and a basic t-shirt. But it’s got to be a t-shirt, of perfect material, cut so well it hangs just right.

Boden’s Mariella t-shirt is that shirt. It’s part linen so it hangs perfectly. It’s got a slight “v” cut in front and back which gives it more of a stylish edge. And it’s machine washable. (Plus, it’s only $38.88.)

I got mine in the pewter shade which is more versatile than the stripes.

I love this shirt as much as I hated the mystery scavenger hunt yesterday. Which says a lot. I may have failed at the mystery but this top will keep you far from failing summer fashion. (Click this link to go to www.bodenusa.com.)

Happy Sunday, guru girls & guys!

UnREAL: My New Favorite Show

All week my phone has been lighting up with texts regarding The News.

The break up of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. 

Everyone knows how much I love Ben Affleck. Friends thought I might be taking it hard. Or planning to try to get him on the rebound. (Thanks for that text, Uncle Dan. Reminder: I am happily married to your bestie.)

And I am disappointed in Ben. Because Jen seemed really good for him. She’s always shopping at farmer’s markets for God’s sake. So I was rooting for their yin and yang to be the secret ingredient. They could be the celeb couple that makes it.

 I wanted to believe the fairy tale. Except there is no fairy tale. For a romantic like me that’s hard to take. Which is exactly why I stopped watching “The Bachelor” franchise last year. Because in its 15 year history, precisely two of the bachelors had true love on their minds. The rest were thinking about their upcoming gig on “Dancing With The Stars”.

The romantic in me is disappointed by Hollywood love stories. But the cynic in me is not. Which is why my favorite show this summer is “UnREAL”. It’s about the television crew that films a reality dating show suspiciously like “The Bachelor”. Only “UnREAL” shows the behind-the-scenes maneuvering responsible for all the meltdowns and fantasy suite action. 

There’s Rachel, the good-hearted producer coerced into making the unscrupulous show. There’s Adam, the prince allegedly looking for love but really looking for publicity and a paycheck. And then we have the cast of girls. All are competing for a fame that’ll let them write their own paychecks once the season’s done.

At one level the show’s a silly soap opera but at another it’s a morality tale. Which character’s choices are the most despicable? “UnREAL” actually asks some serious questions about the high price of getting ahead and our insta-fame culture.

Plus all the episodes are new this summer, which makes the series much more entertaining to watch than the re-runs everywhere else.

It seems true love can’t be manufactured. But a wicked satire about true love?

Absolutely. Check it out Monday nights on the Lifetime network.

Bored On A Weekend? Try This

I have a whole new appreciation for the Louvre, thanks to the 12 year old. Turns out it doesn’t just have the artistic masterpiece thing going for it. It’s also filled with funny photo opps.

Who knew?

That’s one of the secret perks kids offer: a whole new perspective that makes stuff better.

Our Louvre visit was the best museum trip I’ve ever had. Because – for once – I listened to the experts who say if you want your kids to like museums you have to visit them a whole different way. One that's opposite every instinct in your museum-loving brain.

 We didn’t try to see everything. We saw 12 things.

We didn’t spend the day. We spent 2 hours.

We didn’t rent those annoying audio guides. We rented Jacque, the cutest Frenchman who took us on a personalized kid scavenger hunt.

We didn’t actually rent Jacques. That sound seedy and kinda illegal. We hired him through his company – Tour Musee – which offers museum tours people actually enjoy.

The tour was perfect for kiddo attention spans. And mine too! As we scavenger hunted, Jacques gave us the Reader’s Digest version of the museum’s biggies and why they’re important.

Like the Mona Lisa. She’s famous because she looks so real, like a living lady on the canvas, following you with her eyes. So she’s basically a hologram. From the 16^th century. That's a BFD. Now I get all the fuss.

Don’t rule out museums for a good outing. Even if you’ve been burned by them before. It’s not just the Louvre that’s catching on to the fun-museum trend. Most art museums now offer interactive ways to engage kid visitors. The bonus is it’s really fun for adults too.

The Denver Art Museum lets you check out backpacks filled with games and small art projects. These projects correspond with the paintings on display to make them more meaningful and fun.

When the soaring summer temperatures get you down, head to your local art museum. For more than just the air conditioning!   

Happy summer, guru girls & guys!

4 Top Father's Day Gifts

Guru Guy wins. He emerged with the “most improved” title after our recent trip to Europe. All those months of training runs at grocery stores and Ikea with the Dynamic Duo paid off.

Guru Guy rocked it. Despite the crowds and the heat and the fraud protection from our bank (so on-point that it prevented even us from withdrawing any of our money from ATMs).

Every year we have a “most improved” contest. The spouse who has improved the most wins. The only voters are me and my fella. Even the year my friend Paul lobbied hard to cast a vote. (Because Paul knows how much I love winning, and he believed my fella was not getting full props for his spousal improvement efforts.)

This is no longer the case. Guru Guy swept “most improved”. In every category. Attitude, parenting engagement, having-a-clue and even on-ground finesse (which requires graceful navigation of congested urban environments with offspring in tow).

Even his one meltdown – when he directed the Dynamic Duo to “step away from the elevator buttons, step away now”– was awesome. Because it made me laugh so hard I cried.

Messing up elevator operation in a giant hotel is no joke. And neither is winning “most improved”. So I’m getting Guru Guy his engraved winner’s trophy (dog-tags from the kiosk at PetSmart), but I feel like I should go above-and-beyond for Father’s Day too.

The catalog Uncommon Goods has some excellent options. Like the Aroma Fork which, according to the catalog, lets you “explore the sense of smell’s role in taste and enjoy an enhanced dining experience”.

The set includes 21 oil essences of herbs and fruits that you spear with your fork. The scent of this pod, coupled with the actual taste of the food you’re eating off your fork, is supposed to blow your culinary mind. For $59 it had better. (Click this link to go to uncommongoods.com to check out this bounty for yourself!)

Or I could get him this Colorful Face Mug. Check out its expression. If I filled the bottom part with croissants and the top with espresso it would totally replicate Guru Guy’s European Elevator moment.

Or there’s a Mini Beer Pong set designed to be filled with craft beer. If I did my hair up big and presented this to him it would be like giving him the gift of time travel. Back to the 90s. Richard Branson’s got nothing on me.

I am still jet-lagged and staggering though. So I may go with the tried-and-true Father’s Day gift: surprise him with a family hike and show him we’re all capable of winning “most improved/sports category”. As most improved hikers we will not stop for snacks, bathroom breaks, selfies or complaining.

Instead, unlike past years, we shall spend our time actually hiking and stop only to appreciate nature. Guru Guy will also enjoy this. Perhaps as much as he will enjoy the fact there are no elevators or malfunctioning ATMs in nature.

Happy travels and Happy Father’s Day, all! 

Light It Up, Up, Up

The guru crew is going to the City Of Light in a few days. Otherwise known as Paris, which we’ll visit after beginning the big trip in London.

So you’ll get a 2 week break from guru girl’s misadventures and product recommends. Instead I’ll be focusing my considerable energies on bobbies and baguettes. Re-read that last sentence. It said “bobbies”. Not what you think it said.

Since Paris is the city of light I have light on the brain these days. And the front porch too, thanks to this fab new lantern I got at Cost Co. (It's available for around $60.) Love it because it’s big, solar powered and gives the porch such a nice “We’re home so don’t rob us” glow. Even when we’re secretly away, causing trouble across the pond!

Get one for your front porch too and go on vacation worry-free! The other recommend for today is this fantastic website called Ciao Bambino.(Click this link to go to ciaobambino.com.) It has great ideas about where to travel with a family and creative things to do when you get there.

Thanks to this site, I’ve hired a special guide to do a scavenger hunt with us at the Louvre. What could go wrong? Don’t answer that. I’m taking a vacation… from worry, from blogging, from advice-giving. In other words I'm taking a vacation from my basic personality ;)

Happy summer vacation, guru girls & guys! Check back in a few weeks for more guru girl.

Miracle In A Bottle: For Real

I’ve detected a bitter note in my guru girl postings from the last month. Possibly this is because it has been raining here for at least a month and there’s a reason guru girl doesn’t live in Seattle.

But my sunny disposition is back, ladies and gentlemen, thanks to a quick girlfriend getaway trip to Utah this past weekend. I was adventurous. On both land.

And spa. (Though I wouldn’t recommend the cranial-sacral massage to anyone. Unless you know what the “sacral” part refers to going into it, which I didn’t. So surprising! And not in the least bit relaxing. Thank goodness my masseuse was female or I might be filing charges.)

I had a great time reliving high school memories. And an even better time teasing my friend about the enormous hat she wore everywhere. 

But my hat-headed friend is onto something I have never been. Sun protection.

So while I’m not Derby-worthy like Dianne, I am sunscreen worthy thanks to my latest purchase: Murad Invisiblur Perfecting Shield.

This stuff is magic in a bottle. It’s a lotion that has SPF 30 and “combats the signs of aging while instantly blurring away imperfections”, according to the ad.

This stuff is spendy but worth it. It's $65 at Sephora or Ulta.(Click this link to go to sephora.com to learn more about Murad Invisiblur Perfecting Shield.) 

So when the sun finally comes back to Colorado, I’m gonna slather up and blur away. Now if only the stuff blurred away embarrassing high school memories too ;)

Why DIY Should RIP At My House

There are a few things you do once in your life.

Refinish a table. Master cleanse. Garage sale.

And then you learn.

The good news is I never have to do a furniture project or garage sale ever again. It’s too bad in a way. Because my sales team was top notch this weekend.

The 9 year old was almost too good a sign spinner. Hopefully her skills in this area won’t encourage her to forego college.

Stanley also fulfilled his duty to lure people in by looking cute (and not biting them).

My DIY furniture team was less talented. Mostly because it consisted only of me and my dad, who offered cryptic advice via text.

I have learned my lesson, and I am trying to remember the mantra, “There is no such thing as failure. It’s either a success or a learning experience.”

Here’s what I learned from the DIY Debacle:

1.      Google expert advice.

2.    Do it before you’re in the middle of the project and have already screwed it up.

3.    Google multiple sources.

4.    Read all of them.

My refinishing project was a bit of a bust, but my next DIYer will not be. Because, for once, I am taking my own advice.

My next project is going to be a giant magnetized wall so the 9 year old can display artwork in her room.

I have, of course, already bought the magnetized chalkboard paint. Last year.

But I’ve now searched multiple sites that say magnetized chalkboard paint looks cool but is not, in fact, strong enough to hold up anything by magnet.

So if this is your goal, stay away from magnetized chalkboard paint. Instead get a giant galvanized steel sheet from the hardware store. Make sure to test that it’s magnetized. And then you can paint it any color you like (this won’t interfere with its magnetic surface). 

Finish by putting picture hangers on the back so you can pop it on the wall. (You can get a sheet that’s 12 x 24” from Home Depot for $12. Jo Ann Fabric has them too.)

This is the route I’ll be taking. In about 8 months. When I finally tackle this project, having forgotten the frustration of the last two weeks.

Because I don’t know about you, but DIY is in my DNA. 

Or not.