The Khloe Kardashian Of Clutches

                          Available at Michael's (the craft shop) for under $5. 

What’s that famous Jane Austen line? “It is a truth universally acknowledged… yada, yada, yada.”

I can never remember the rest of that darn line. Possibly because the information it contains isn’t so relevant to my life. But here’s some info that is.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that some August magazine articles – the ones that are fall staples – are a complete and utter waste of time.

The ubiquitous “Ways To Jazz Up Your Kid’s Lunch”. This peppy feature covers nothing a real kid would eat. Ever.

The even worse “Ways To Transition Your Summer Outfits To Fall Ones”. No actual cute-in-real-life outfit ever resulted from the advice offered by this article.

But sometimes magazines get it right. This month they’re all showcasing cute clutches.

Hallelujah! Have never met a cute clutch I didn’t like. Because they make you streamline your stuff for a night out. And they help you find your stuff if you throw a few in your bucket bag. Which should be more aptly named the black-hole-of-stuff bag, but I digress.

Bonus points if the purses are cheap and witty. Which these little numbers from Michael’s are! Now you get today’s title, right?

Now go out and get yourself a clutch too;)

Best Summer Top Ever: Mariella T From Boden

Sometimes it’s good to bust out of a rut. Yesterday, the guru crew did that by going on a mystery scavenger hunt.

We were locked in a room and given a bunch of clues to solve the mystery.

We were terrible detectives. It was the longest 60 minutes of a Saturday I’ve ever spent. Half the detectives – not naming names here– kept wearing the clues. The other half kept yelling,”Take those clues off. You could get lice.”

No one understood any of the clues. So forget about solving them. If guru guy and I want to stay married, we must never, ever open a detective agency together. It was that bad.

So I’m returning to the tried & true. In family activities. And in fashion.

My favorite tried & true look for summer is simple: white jeans and a basic t-shirt. But it’s got to be a t-shirt, of perfect material, cut so well it hangs just right.

Boden’s Mariella t-shirt is that shirt. It’s part linen so it hangs perfectly. It’s got a slight “v” cut in front and back which gives it more of a stylish edge. And it’s machine washable. (Plus, it’s only $38.88.)

I got mine in the pewter shade which is more versatile than the stripes.

I love this shirt as much as I hated the mystery scavenger hunt yesterday. Which says a lot. I may have failed at the mystery but this top will keep you far from failing summer fashion. (Click this link to go to www.bodenusa.com.)

Happy Sunday, guru girls & guys!

Miracle In A Bottle: For Real

I’ve detected a bitter note in my guru girl postings from the last month. Possibly this is because it has been raining here for at least a month and there’s a reason guru girl doesn’t live in Seattle.

But my sunny disposition is back, ladies and gentlemen, thanks to a quick girlfriend getaway trip to Utah this past weekend. I was adventurous. On both land.

And spa. (Though I wouldn’t recommend the cranial-sacral massage to anyone. Unless you know what the “sacral” part refers to going into it, which I didn’t. So surprising! And not in the least bit relaxing. Thank goodness my masseuse was female or I might be filing charges.)

I had a great time reliving high school memories. And an even better time teasing my friend about the enormous hat she wore everywhere. 

But my hat-headed friend is onto something I have never been. Sun protection.

So while I’m not Derby-worthy like Dianne, I am sunscreen worthy thanks to my latest purchase: Murad Invisiblur Perfecting Shield.

This stuff is magic in a bottle. It’s a lotion that has SPF 30 and “combats the signs of aging while instantly blurring away imperfections”, according to the ad.

This stuff is spendy but worth it. It's $65 at Sephora or Ulta.(Click this link to go to sephora.com to learn more about Murad Invisiblur Perfecting Shield.) 

So when the sun finally comes back to Colorado, I’m gonna slather up and blur away. Now if only the stuff blurred away embarrassing high school memories too ;)

4 Style Rules To Live By

This bedazzled burkini is the sort of thing I would buy just because it's on sale.

 What is wrong with me?!

I am never breaking style rule #3: do not buy stuff just because it is on sale ever again. Last month I went and broke it.

Twice.

The annual sales they were having at Sundance and Boden were killer. Great items. Even greater prices. What’s not to like?

It turns out there’s everything not to like about this scenario… starting with the way the clothes look on me! There is a reason that boho chic tunic is a steal of a deal at $19.99. Because its weird cut makes me look like I’m wearing a small, pup tent!

This is why they have 12,000 of them in leftover stock. These companies should actually be paying me $19.99 to take it off their hands.

Now I have to package the stuff up, send it back and remember to check my Visa to ensure my account is credited. This will totally happen as I am definitely not one to let mundane details slip. (Last statement untrue as my “to do” list is made up of nothing but these mundane details because I procrastinate with them until the end of time!)

  

Guru girls, remember your style rules. Live by them. And save yourself much time, angst and postage.

Style Rules

Rule #1: Try stuff on. Always. 

Rule #2: The most you’re going to love something is when you’re trying it on in the dressing room. If you’re not doing the “how cute am I” twirl in it in the dressing room, do not buy it.

Rule #3: Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale and think the low price 

is going to make you love it. 

Rule #4: Before you buy something think of the exact outfit you’re going to wear it with. And the exact occasion. If you can’t think of these two things, back away from the item.

Apparently most of us wear 20% of what is in our closet all the time. This statistic infuriates me, as do most statistics and math in general. Follow these style rules and kick those style mistakes (80%???) to the curb.

Happy shopping, guru girls!

2 Shoes You'll Wear Forever Under $25

January magazine season is almost upon us. It is the worst magazine season if you are a “Self” or “In Shape” reader. Because January is when they feature their most infuriating articles, the ones designed to get you excited about the gym.

It’s almost as bad as this new trainer I foolishly hired recently: Peppy Trainer Guy. Peppy Trainer Guy led me through a whole series of very painful exercises. When I finally voiced my concern – and pain level – he grinned zealously and said,”I know. Ah-may-zing, right?”

No, Peppy Trainer Guy. Not Ah-may-zing. Just Pah-ain-ful.

This pain is what led to my latest shoe purchase: the animal print slip on. I like it because it’s cheetah print, which reads like a neutral yet jazzes up any outfit.

I like it even more because it’s a slip on, which means you don’t have to bend over to pull it on. This is a major plus if Peppy Trainer Guy has made you do so many planks and lunges that your abs and glutes sear with pain any time you even think of moving, much less bending over to put on your shoes.

Next week Peppy Trainer Guy thinks he’s showing me a “15 Minute Speed Shred” routine. But the only thing I’m going to be shredding is his business card. Because life’s too short to be in this much pain.

May January bring you a better attitude about fitness goals than guru girl (and lots of new shoes!)(Click this link to go to target.com where you can get these shoes for around $25.) They also have them in a quilted, black leather (so sporty!)

And Steve Madden is making a really cute pair in plaid. Love! (Click this link to see the plaid shoes, available for around $23.)

Holiday Party Style In A Snap (& A Skirt)

I not only survived Operation Gumball at the school crafting day, I enjoyed it. 

Kid crafters making stuff for their families? I tell you, it warms the heart.

Here’s what else warms the heart: Anthropologie’s Fallen Star Skirt.

A maxi skirt with cascading golden waves? What’s not to like?

Perfect for the holidays and the whole winter season. Easy to dress up or down. The skirt is adorable on – I saw a gal pair it with a close fitting, nautical striped shirt. Casual elegance with just the right amount of sparkle for a holiday party.

 At the store, Anthropologie is showing it with a worn jean jacket. The perfect mix of high and low fashion! Good for concerts, bistros and anywhere else you want to look funky but not like you’re trying too hard. (Click this link to go to anthropologie.com where you can get this skirt for $168.)

Love, love, love it. The skirt’s a total two-fer: will warm your heart and make your fella’s sizzle with lust for the bod wearing it. That’s how hot you’re gonna look.

Steps for a mui caliente Merry Christmas:

1.      Buy this skirt.

2.    Wear this skirt.

Happy holidays, guru girls & guys!

The 1 Thing That Ages You Immediately*

The 1 Thing That Ages You Immediately *And How To Get Rid Of It

Note the perfectly plucked eyebrows in this picture. They too are possible with the handy tip described below. 

Weird hair.

We’re not talking 1980s-hairstyle-weird. Though I’ve done that too.

We’re talking a specific hair. One that is weirdly long. And springs from the side of one’s face, or chin, seemingly overnight.

WTF?

You never see these weird hairs on cute 20somethings. And though I don’t wish to revisit my cute 20something years – and their accompanying drama – neither do I wish to appear downright elderly. Which is what these wayward hairs do. They make you look like Angela Lansbury!

We’ve got to get them pronto, ladies. But these hairs hide.

Some mornings you truly need Angela Lansbury sleuthing skill to find the little buggers. So you go about your day, zipping around town, when it happens. You randomly smooth the side of your face, and you feel it. The weird hair that has magically sprung, like Medusa’s snakes, from the side of your head!

It’s no good. But here’s a tip that is: Stash a tweezer in your purse. 

Instead of conducting the “search and destroy” mission in your bathroom, conduct it in your car!

Preferably in your driveway. But any parking lot will do. As long as you’re sitting in broad daylight and the unforgiving glare of your rearview mirror.

This process outs the weird hair immediately. Which then allows you to go out and about, secure in the knowledge that the only bouncing hair on your head is on your head and not your chin.

Happy tweezing, guru girls!

Style In A Snap: Stitch Fix

Stitch Fix gets my thumbs up!

Sometimes I am late to the party. Not often. As I am Dutch and thus very punctual. And if punctuality isn’t a Dutch trait, I don’t know what is!

But I fear today’s recommendation may be late to the party. In the sense that everyone, except me, is doing it, has been doing it and can’t remember a time when they didn’t do it. Like Uber or hot yoga.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Stitch Fix. 2 of my most stylish girlfriends use it, and I am hot to give it a try. The concept is simple and it is genius: A personal stylist sends you clothes.

It’s style in a snap, and you know how I love shortcuts (and also getting anything in the mail that’s not tax related). You keep the clothes you like and send back the ones you don’t.

They source from funky boutiques so you won’t see your same outfit on the soccer mom next to you. And you don’t have to spend time scouring the boutiques for that perfect eclectic look. Stitch Fix does that for you!

You fill out a profile that specifies your style, size and price point. Most items are in the $50 range, but you can go higher or lower. You tell them how often you want to receive a package (for instance, every other month). And you pay them a $20 styling fee each time you receive a package.

A package includes 5 items. If you keep even one item your $20 styling fee is credited towards your purchase price. Last month my friend got a killer pair of jeans that fit perfectly, and it was a brand she’d never thought to try.

Indulge your inner celebrity, and give Stitch Fix a go. (Click this link to visit the Stitch Fix site.) Bonus points if you throw back some bubbly in your closet when your first package arrives and you have a try-on party!

Happy shopping, guru girls & guys!

Hair Removal Without The Hassle: Tria Hair Removal Laser 4X

Hair Removal Without The Hassle * or ungodly scent of Nair

Every summer it is the same.

I berate myself for ignoring that winter Groupon for hair removal.

Permanent hair removal seems expensive and time consuming and utterly superfluous. In winter.

In summer, it seems like it just might be the best thing ever.

But it takes 6 months and many visits to the laser place to zap those problem follicles. So by the time you’re fed up enough to actually do it, it’s August and you delay it another year.

It is an endless cycle.

Until now.

Enter the Tria Hair Removal Laser 4X. This at-home laser does the same job as your favorite laser technician. Without the hefty price tag and trek across town to get to her.

The Tria retails for a spendy $449 but similar salon treatments go for at least twice as much. 

Gals who tested this gizmo reported the Tria laser process was a little painful but a lot worth it. Especially if you’re focusing on a smaller surface area (think face, pit zone or bikini line).

This mini laser requires you to zap each hair follicle, so doing large real estate areas (like your whole leg) would be a bad idea.

You can get a Tria from amazon.com, which means there are customer reviews to read. There are over 200 reviews posted. Maybe I’m naïve, but the Tria public relations department can’t be posting all of them, right?

For a fuzz-free look next summer, try-a the Tria (sorry, couldn’t resist)! (Click this link to learn more about it on amazon.com.)

What I Want: A Hologram & Sundance's Cosmic Sandals

So this week’s big news was Michael Jackson’s appearance at the Billboard Music Awards on Sunday night. He sang. He danced. He made those weird, guttural grunting noises like always. 

How is it that celebrities like Jackson have figured out ways to get out of everything bad in life? DUI’s, wrinkles, even death.

Because Michael Jackson has been dead for awhile but his hologram image was alive and kicking on Sunday. It was a little creepy but also effective.

So although I am generally anti-technology, I too would like a hologram. It can represent me at all the places I am expected to be in this month of  chaos. Soccer games and parties, music and dance recitals, end of school field trips and celebrations.

It would be easy to make Hologram Guru Girl. All she would have to do is smile and nod. Because generally this is all I do at these events.

Especially when I’m sitting next to the soccer coach who is detailing elaborate soccer defense strategy. I am the parent who, after 5 years, is still a little unclear on the position of my own player, much less anyone else on the team.

Last week, at a barbecue, conversation turned to junk bonds. Junk bonds, I tell you. Just smile and nod.

This is also what I did last night, at the school musical where the 11 year old made her musical debut as a dancing spoon. It was tough to tell her apart from all the other dancing cutlery. But I was there in the audience.

Smiling. Nodding. And wearing cute sandals.

These are my new favorites because they’re almost as versatile as Guru Girl in May. They can be sporty or artsy. About the only thing they are not is junk bond chic. So I may not have my own personal hologram.

Yet.

But I do have cute sandals that take my multitasking, non-hologramed self all the places I need to go. (Available for around $90 at Sundance.)

Happy summer, guru girls & guys!

1 Shoe To Put Pep In Your Step: The Lillian Suede Low Wedge

I missed the MTV Movie Awards last night. I have, in fact, missed the entire network for the last 6 months. Don’t even know what channel MTV’s on anymore.

As far as pop culture betrayals go, this is big. Like Gwyneth-And-That-Coldplay-Guy-Break Up big. Because I thought MTV and I were going to go the distance.

Apparently, no. But here’s a relationship I’d bet on instead: guru girl and the J.Crew low wedge. Because it has all 3 things a spring shoe should feature:

1.      A beige color. (Elongates the leg and goes with everything.)

2.    A low heel. (Easier to walk in because there’s a little height but not so much height that you’re teetering.)

3.    A casual style. (Looks great but not like you’re trying too hard.)

Like a rock star who also does yoga, this shoe checks all the boxes a girl could want. (Unless the girl is a movie star and not very open to the whole groupie thing.)

So, this shoe is, in fact, better than your average rock star because it will make you look great, feel great and the only medical issue it will make you fear are blisters. (Click this link to go to jcrew.com to see the lillian suede low wedge, available for around $129.99.)

The "Must Have" Spring Wardrobe Pick*

The "Must Have" Spring Wardrobe Pick*

*bigger than Kim Kardashian's "Vogue" cover. Not an, ahem, small task. 

Like Kerry Washington and her preggo tummy, I am also fairly bursting… with great fashion ideas.

Had you concerned for a minute there, didn’t I? No, no. The baby shop is closed here at guru girl but the fashion shop remains open, open, open! Especially since I read many a fashion mag over spring break.

Here is my favorite spring fashion pic: this versatile motorcycle jacket. Available for only $78 at Kohl’s. It’s true! Runway designer Peter Som has unleashed his beachy chic clothes on strip malls across America.

Throw this lightweight jacket on over a dress for an instant edgy yet casual vibe. It’s also the perfect topper for boyfriend jeans and a body skimming tee.

Think of this as the classy version of your favorite jean jacket and wear accordingly. May you be as fashion forward as our favorite “Scandal” vixen. Minus the “must save the free world” scowl. 

Ignite Your Spring Wardrobe: 2 Great Buys

This just in: climate change and global exploration could release long dormant diseases.

Yup. Scientists just found an ancient virus buried in Syria.

How it is we can unearth a virus from 2,000 years ago but have no idea where that Malaysian plane went?

What good is all this GPS stuff when we can’t find a million dollar airplane, but we can’t help finding stuff like ancient viruses meant to be buried forever?

This development is upsetting for hypochondriacs like me. Because I don’t think they make vitamin supplements big enough to protect from Jurassic era superbugs. And I’m tired of spending my sheckels on magnesium and Vitamin D.

They’re much better spent on cute, spring clothes like my lastest fav: this baseball jersey style sweater from J. Crew. Paired with this blinged out necklace? (Also from J. Crew.) Sporty and glam.(Click this link to visit j.crew factory site for more info about the sweater and necklace.) Sweater is available for $45.50. 

It’s just the sort of unexpected combo that’s all the rage this spring. Unexpected in a good way, not unexpected in the “guess how the world is ending this week” kind of way.

Buy it, wear it, laugh in the face of doomsday predictors… or be one of them, but with style more killer than the Ebola virus. 

Increase Your Happiness: Wear These Pants

Whew! Is December over yet? Guru girl has been on the run, trying to get everything done. I haven’t broken my cardinal rule: always wear mascara. But I have broken my friend Jane’s, which is: you can’t wear yoga pants all day.

You actually can wear yoga pants all day. But it’s not pretty and worse, I’m not fooling anyone that I’m actually going to the gym… after the mall and the grocery store and the post office and the school.

I wear yoga pants because they’re easy and comfortable. This is precisely why I fought the skinny jean trend for so long. Because skinny jeans are the exact opposite.

Until now.

I just found some skinny jeans that I love so much I have given them a nickname. I call them my happy pants. Because it makes me happy just to put them on.

That’s how fantastic they are. The Ann Taylor skinny jean is as easy and comfortable as your favorite yoga pant. The jeans are made from some miracle material that is somehow stretchy, forgiving and beyond flattering.

They are genius! Pair them with black boots and a slouchy shirt and – presto! – you have a stylish outfit that’s as comfortable as your gym gear.

I got my happy pants last week and have tested them out on several different days. There’s no butt or knee bagging out issue, as can sometimes happen with stretchy materials. They also look fine if you have to do a mid-day switch into tennies and a fleece to walk the dog &/or trundle stuff around in the house that you still haven’t fully unpacked.

Handsome and hard-living, these are the 007 of pants

 – the Sean Connery 007, not that creepy Roger Moore.

The picture doesn’t do them justice. Throw caution to the wind and order them online – if you do it soon, Ann Taylor’ll give you 50% off your whole order… which means your happy pants will only cost you $45, a fact that will make you even happier. And Moneypenny too. (Click this link to go to ann taylor's website to view the modern knit slim pants.)

Fall's Best Fashion Find: The Mirabel Jacket

What does this coat have to do with the NFL? Read on to find out...

 

In a departure for me, I am very interested in the NFL. Every few years this happens. NFL players start acting like soap opera stars, and suddenly I’m engrossed in the pigskin. Wow, that sounds kind of dirty. But you know what I mean.

What has my interest lately is the bullying scandal featuring Miami Dolphins players Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin. One of them allegedly bullied the other. When is it bullying? When is it life? So many questions.

Here’s the other thing I’m obsessed with these days: sweater coats. Every year there are 3 things that happen to me in fall: daylight savings, Halloween candy binges and new coat lust.

This year I’m all about the sweater coat. Because it’s a winter wardrobe’s most versatile piece. You wouldn’t want to walk the dog in it, but if you’re running errands around town, and you need a cute jacket to take the edge off, a sweater coat is just the thing!

You can throw it on over a basic, long-sleeve t-shirt and suddenly you look stylish with minimal effort!

Anthropologie has got some really cute ones these days. I’m either hot or cold on Anthro – I either love all their stuff or hate all their stuff. This season, it’s “love”. Here’s their cutest sweater coat: the Mirabel jacket. It’s also available in burgundy, which is the color I’d go for, instead of the cream. It retails for around $148.(Click this link to go to Anthropologie to see the Mirabel jacket.)

Spendy? Yes. But if you wear it a few times a week for the next few fall/winters, it will be your smartest purchase this season.

I got my last sweater coat from Anthro 5 years ago and still wear it. Now that’s style with endurance. So basically the sweater coat is the NFL athlete of outerwear, soap opera hijinks not included.

Bring On The Sparkle: Sundance Jewelry & Stuff

One of my favorite blogs is Cheap Chic (cheapchic.com). On it, blogger Reichel shows two versions of the same home decor item, say a coffee table. Both items are chic but only one is cheap. Usually, you can hardly tell the difference between the two, except by the price tag. 

When I opened the latest "Sundance" catalogue, I was gobsmacked, in much the same manner Reichel must be when she finds these great items that are lookalikes for high end versions. 

I was gobsmacked because I have the necklace Sundance proudly showed on pg. 84. And no, I did not pay twelve hundred dollars for it.

No, that is not a typo. Twelve hundred dollars. The movie star lifestyle ain't cheap. Robert Redford's gotta represent, and he's using your necklace dollars to do so. 

I got my fabulous lookalike necklace from my fabulous jewelry designing friend Shawna. I love it, and it looks almost exactly the same as the Sundance one. Plus I get to brag that I know the designer! 

For your jewelry needs, find a jewelry designing friend near you. Or borrow mine. Shawna would kill me for publicizing her email address on the blog, but if you're in the market for some baubles, send me a note, and I'll give you her contact info offline. 

I'm circling all the necklaces I really like in Sundance, then I'm giving the catalogue to Shawna to use as inspiration for the necklaces she'll design -- and my fella will give me -- for the whole next year. 

It's a win-win-win. Mr. Guru Guy doesn't have to shop or pay big bucks to Sundance, and I get to be a girl who says Robert Redfordy things like, "Send the pic over to my designer. I'm sure she can whip it up for you."

Bring on the sparkle, guru girls! 

Kiss Under Eye Circles Goodbye: Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat Radiant Touch

Kiss Under Eye Circles Goodbye: Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat Radiant Touch

 

I love Ben Affleck as much as the next girl. Okay, probably more. Probably a lot more.

I think Ben Affleck is the bee’s knees. So it pains me to say the producers of the next “Batman” flick have made a mistake in casting Ben as Batman.

Ben Affleck can rock sideburns. He can rock a uniform. But I don’t think he can rock the Batman mask.

I think his essential Ben Affleck-ness is gonna shine through, and we’re going to spend the entire movie thinking,” Oh, there goes that cute Ben Affleck rescuing Gotham City from evil.”

Ben will not disappear into the skin of Bruce Wayne. Which is a problem. But here is something that does disappear into the skin -- something that solves a very big problem. That little something is called Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat Radiant Touch concealer, and I love it almost as much as I love Ben Affleck.

Because undereye circles are a drag. So are many of the concealers meant to disguise them. Because some concealers are too light and don’t cover anything. Some are too heavy and make wrinkles stand out even more. Some are the wrong shade and make a gal look like female Batman, with an eye mask made of make up!

The Yves Saint Laurent concealer does none of these things. It provides just enough coverage to brighten but not so much that you’re in Batman territory. Plus, it comes in the shape of a pen so you get to paint it on, which makes application seem more like an art project and less like a manual labor slog.

I am almost as obsessive about testing eye makeup as I am about Ben Affleck so I’ve got some experience and, trust me, this stuff is good. At $40 per pen, it’s spendy but worth it. Also, you can get the concealer at Sephora so if you’re on the fence about it, ask them to give you a free sample so you can test it out before shelling out big bucks.

Have a great weekend – the kind that is so fun and jam-packed that you get even deeper undereye circles, from lack of sleep! Because what do you care? Gotham City has Ben Affleck, but you’ve got Yves Saint Laurent concealer to clean up the debauchery. (Click this link to go to nordstrom.com where you can buy Yves Saint Lauren Touche Eclat Radiant Touch concealer.)