The Bare Minimum: And We're Not Talking Bikinis

The Bare Minimum. That’s what I’m looking for these days. This is my new time management strategy. Like this spring’s trendy 7 minute workout that was just collapsed into an efficient 4 minute workout, I’m taking this approach in all aspects of my life. But I need a cheat sheet.

This is its headline: What is the absolute bare minimum I can do to reap reasonable benefits in the following important categories?

1.       Workouts – See link to 7 minute workout.(Click this link to see detailed instructions & video for the 7 minute workout.) Genius!

2.       Yoga – I hate yoga but want reasonable peace of mind, so here goes:

-          How long do I have to do it?

-          How many times a week?

-          What kind?

-          What’s the bare minimum?

3.       Toothbrushing – I brush about as long as it takes to silently hum the Happy Birthday song. I go to the dentist. If I want to avoid root canals, braces and, ultimately, dentures, what’s the deal?

-          Do I really have to floss?

-          Do I really need to brush after lunch? I find co-workers who do this in the restroom a bit odd. Must I be one of them?

-          What’s the bare minimum?

4.       Diet – Having only one “cheat” day when dieting seems draconian. Instead, let’s try a different direction. If I want to avoid clogged arteries and buying new pants, how many days each week do I need to eat healthy?

-          And how healthy are we talking here?

-          No-cookies-some-veggies healthy or 3-proteins-no-sugars healthy?

5.       Current Events – I actually like reading the newspaper, but it is an enormous time suck, and you’ve got to do it consistently or it’s an exercise in frustration. They are always changing the names of those Baltic countries, and there’s a new tech wunderkund every time you turn around. If I want to have a reasonable clue about the world, what’s the bare minimum for newspaper reading?

-          How many days a week do I have to read it?

-          What newspaper?

-          What sections? And does it have to include finance?

Life’s about moderation, people. Especially during the summer. Do the bare minimum for the above categories and find yourself with maximum time for summer pleasures like kickball and bomb pops. I will be researching for answers but if you yourself are an expert in one of these categories, give me the scoop. Comment on the blog, on the Facebook page link or in person when you run into me at Target! Happy summer, guru girls & guys!

 

 

The Sandal Those Monks Wish They Rocked

Turns out it’s not only the monks looking for an upgrade this time of year. Reports last week revealed some Thai monks gone rogue. Specifically, a group of them traveling by private jet, sporting Ray Bans and carrying Louis Vuitton. It’s a long way from the vows of austerity for which the monkship is usually known.

The Buddhist Federation is not happy. Just like I’m not happy with my current footwear. These plastic flip flops are simply not cutting it anymore. (Neither is the pedicure, but I’m addressing that later this week!)

I want footwear that is different, footwear that’s blingier, footwear that will make me saunter with all the swagger of a Buddhist monk on a G6.

And I’ve found just the footwear to do it. The Mason sandal by Splendid is just the ticket! It comes in this season’s trendiest style, with a subtle animal print detail. What’s not to love? Fabulous and versatile! Like a holy man who can rock a robe and a Ray Ban. Now that’s guru good. (Click this link to go to zappos.com to see the Mason sandal by Splendid. Available for around $58.)

This Season's "It" Bag: The Thirty-One Tote

Kim Kardashian is going to be leaving the hospital any day now with her little bundle of joy. And I am concerned. Kanye doesn’t look like the kind of guy who knows how to install the infant car seat, and they won’t let you leave the hospital without one.

Seriously. They check. And detain if necessary.

So while Kanye wrangles with the discharge nurses, it’s going to be up to Kim to corral the baby bling showered upon them during their stay. There will be flowers and stuffed animals, as well as diapers, breast pumps, pacifiers and baby’s first blanket (hospital-issued, which every good parent smuggles out of the hospital as a keepsake).

A grocery cart is basically what you need to tote all this stuff. But grocery carts are not glam enough for the Kardashian clan. Here’s what is: the thirty-one utility tote.

I have 2 friends who have ‘em and rave about them. The bag stands up on its own. It’s big so you can load tons of stuff in it, and it comes in really cute fabrics. The trifecta of good! You can also personalize it. If I were to get one for an expectant mom, I’d go with something like “LBLS”, the universally accepted monogram for “Little Baby, Lotta Stuff”.

The thirty-one tote can corral baby bling now and pool or picnic stuff later… like when baby is 18 and the parents finally have the energy to engage in leisure-time activities that don’t involve sleep.

Get this bag today and celebrate your leisure time, the one thing Kim and Kanye don’t have much of these days.(Click this link to go to the website to learn more about the thirty-one large utility tote.) They are available for around $35.  

Farm To Table To Fun: Pick Your Own

Last year, a visit to my friend Andrea’s ranch was humbling. The 7 year old was utterly mystified by corn growing out of the ground. Apparently, I had neglected to fill the 7 year old in on certain basic life info, like the fact that corn grows from the ground, not from the produce bin at Safeway.

There’s a whole farm-to-table culinary craze going on these days. It makes me suspicious. I like fresh food as much as the next girl but eating in the middle of the field in which the food’s been grown? Sitting there at a trestle table, with a bunch of strangers, nibbling away, rain showers or no?

I think no. I think fans of this endeavor may be inflating the fun factor quite a bit. Just because it’s a cool picture doesn’t mean it’s a cool experience. Like long distance running, winter camping and family cruises. Fun-in-theory. Not-so-fun-in-practice.

Nope. I’ll take my farm fresh food the old-fashioned way. From a rickety, old tractor. At a pick-your-own farm. You can do this too! Visit pickyourown.org to find a farm near you where you can go and pick all the tomatoes, peaches and blueberries your heart desires. (Click this link for pickyourown.org.) 

It turns out farms aren’t just for pumpkin picking in October. They are even more fun in June! On a recent berry picking trip with the Dynamic Duo, we had a blast. Here’s what it’s like: a big tractor drives you through the fields and stops at different crops. From then on it’s basically like that kid’s book Blueberries For Sal. Lotta time spent picking the berries and throwing them in your bag, even more time spent eating them straight from the vine.

Two hours in the sunshine with your crew? Not a Starbucks or a videogame in sight? That’s worth a lot more than the $12 a bag we paid for our berry picking adventure. Plus, we had fruit that lasted for weeks! And a free agriculture lesson too.

 

Show your kids fruit ninja isn’t just a videogame, go berry picking this summer! Make sure to read all the details from the above link about the farm you choose to visit. Each one has different pricing and recommendations for what to bring/wear etc.

Happy summer, guru girls & guys!

One Water Bottle That's A Winner

 

There are a few first class faux pas. I’m not exactly a first class frequent flier, but even I know that dumping water on the head of a fellow traveler is a no-no.

So it is unfortunate that I just did this very thing as I hefted my bag into the overhead bin and my water bottle, which I thought was empty, sprinkled its contents onto the head of the gentleman seated below. Luckily, it was only a few drops and the fellow was very nice about it. Also, it reminded me about my favorite water bottle, the Reduce Waterweek, the kind I am not carrying today. Grrrr.

Hydration is important but inconvenient. Unless you tote a water bottle around all day. Which I do. Which is how I’ve come to lose innumerable Camelback water bottles, which are too darn expensive to misplace at rec centers, soccer fields and nail salons across the metro area.

The answer, instead, is an inexpensive, on-the-go water bottle with a budge-proof cap. Enter the Reduce Waterweek bottles. They come in a pack of 5 for around $24. They are small enough to jam in your purse. They come in darling prints and best yet, they have a little screw-on cap that will not mistakenly come loose and drench your bag (or the heads of your fellow passengers).

Even better? When thirsty, you simply remove the cap and take dainty, ladylike sips of water. Gone are the days of swigging from the water bottle, while the tethered lid smashes awkwardly into your cheek.

The Reduce water bottle is portable, reusable and decidedly non-drippy. Use it for 30 days and you’ll lose weight and look younger too (the miracle effects of water drinking, baby!) Don’t like water? Shotgun 8 ounces of it at room temp, sit back and enjoy the results.

Like the passenger in 2E, who tells me his damp neck is refreshing, I am also finding my experience in first class refreshing.  I think it’s the warm towel the flight attendant just brought me. Or the fact that it’s not me but my fella – whose frequent flier status is the only reason I got this upgrade – behind the curtain, playing tic-tac-toe with the Dynamic Duo. Whatever the reason, I am feeling positively renewed. Like the Earth will be when a lot of us swear off plastic and buy Reduce Waterweek water bottles instead!

Loopdedoo Friendship Bracelets: Embrace Your Inner Girl Scout

Summer is fully under way here at chez guru girl. And the craft-a-thon has begun. We’ve made clay animals, funky textiles, duct tape clothing and splatter art that would make Jackson Pollock proud. (It was actually Grandma who oversaw the splatter project. You know my stress-induced eye twitch? Splatter painting with the Dynamic Duo = recipe for total face twitch. A fashion "don’t" if ever there was one.)

But the runaway winner of our crafting sessions has been the friendship bracelet. Based on the amount of time the 10 year old spends hunched over the bracelet-making machine, you’d think I was running a friendship bracelet sweat shop. Completely voluntary. With lots of bathroom breaks, unlocked exits and delicious snacks.

So the environment is less sweat shoppy and more Brooklyn artisan-y. The results are Brooklyn hip too. The bracelet weaving machine -- the Loop De Doo -- makes some great looking friendship bracelets.

Here’s what’s even better: the Loop De Doo is so easy the 10 year old can operate it herself. The entire shift! I mean, crafting session. With not one “Mom, can you…” request.  Unlike the sticker making machine we once had, whose inner workings required a certificate in machinery to manipulate. I donated this damn thing on the sly. If “donate” means threw away in a fit of sticker machine fury.

But the Loop De Doo earns none of my ire and all of the 10 year old’s praise. Get one for the child laborer in your life. Available on amazon.com for around $33 and also at local toy stores. (Click this link to go to amazon.com to learn more about the Loopdedoo.)

4 Steps To Let Your Makeup Shine (Not Your T Zone)

 

Whew. It is a scorcher out there today. And temperatures aren’t the only thing climbing. So is the shine factor of guru girl’s face. Pretty soon I am going to be looking sweatier than Whitney Houston in concert.

Since I’m not a high-stepping, concert-giving diva, shining under the bright lights, I have no excuse for this current state of affairs. Especially since I know how to fight the glow.

To look swanky not sweaty this summer, follow this 4 step process:

1.      Moisturize with an SPF.  

2.    Blot your T-zone with oil zapping papers. I like the blotting papers from Sephora. (You can get a pack of 50 papers for $10.) Click this link to go to sephora.com to see the product. 

3.    Apply oil-free primer to your t-zone. Neutrogena’s shine control primer is a winner. Dries you up without breaking you out. Available for $9.99 at Target.

4.    Pack some blotting papers away in your purse for touch ups throughout the day. They wick away oil and shine, leaving no weird, cakey residue like finishing powder.

Go on to enjoy your day. May it not include starring in your own questionable reality series with Bobby Brown. Which yes. I watched.  

A Great Father's Day Gift

I am going to knock it out of the park this Father’s Day. This is good because I need the win.   

It is unfortunate that earlier this week it was my fella’s ride I was driving when I saw the flash. You know the flash. The one from the hidden police van, the one that nabs you driving over the speed limit. In your fella’s ride. Which means the photo radar ticket is going to come addressed to him in the mail. Which means --gnashing his teeth --  he’ll open the ticket, only to find a picture of me, his speed demon of a wife, behind the wheel.

It would be better to confess this transgression now, before the ticket comes. But I think I’ll do it instead next weekend when my fella is basking in the joy of a Father’s Day gift that is exactly right.

There is nothing that says “Happy Father’s Day” better than high speed go-carting with the family. My fella will like it far more than a golf shirt or grilling gadget. Indeed, this adventure will cause him to remember his wife’s lead footed ways as an asset, not a liability. The shrieks of laughter and joy from his daughters on the track will drown out memories of the other kind of shrieking he hears more regularly, namely shrieks of rage between siblings.

I am pretty sure high-speed go carting is going to earn me the title of “best father’s day gift planner ever”. You can earn this title too as it’s available nationwide. Just google “K 1 racing” as this company provides go cart racing nationwide or you could try “high speed go carts” for information in your area. In general, kiddos have to be at least 4” tall to be in a child car and 58” tall to be in an adult car. At our local track the price is around $26 for 14 laps. (Click this link to go to K1 Speed website to learn more about go karting with your friends & family.) 

Guru girls, start your engines!

What You Can't Say To Your Kids

At 6 a.m. this morning the 10 year old opened with this… 

“Mommy, why’d you say that bad word in the middle of the night?”

“You mean when you showed up like a ninja by the side of my bed and I thought you were an axe-murderer?” 

I didn’t actually say this. Although this is exactly what happened. And I had the racing heart and wide awake brain as proof from 2 a.m. to 3 a.m.

Here’s the thing: If I say this, it will introduce the 10 year old to the concept of axe murderers. This will likely disrupt her sleep pattern even further in nights to come. Nothing good can be gained from fear of axe murders in the night. Me and my midnight potty mouth are living proof.

 So I say nothing and offer some zucchini bread as distraction. Before I had kids I would never have guessed this would be my most popular, go-to parenting strategy. But it totally is. Dr. Spock and the humble zucchini: getting guru girl through parenthood.  

Illustration: By the 7 year old. It is supposed to be me and some zucchini bread. You will see a lot of kid illustrations on the blog this summer vacation. Because we're only 2 days in & I already need extra activities for them!