2 Shoes You'll Wear Forever Under $25

January magazine season is almost upon us. It is the worst magazine season if you are a “Self” or “In Shape” reader. Because January is when they feature their most infuriating articles, the ones designed to get you excited about the gym.

It’s almost as bad as this new trainer I foolishly hired recently: Peppy Trainer Guy. Peppy Trainer Guy led me through a whole series of very painful exercises. When I finally voiced my concern – and pain level – he grinned zealously and said,”I know. Ah-may-zing, right?”

No, Peppy Trainer Guy. Not Ah-may-zing. Just Pah-ain-ful.

This pain is what led to my latest shoe purchase: the animal print slip on. I like it because it’s cheetah print, which reads like a neutral yet jazzes up any outfit.

I like it even more because it’s a slip on, which means you don’t have to bend over to pull it on. This is a major plus if Peppy Trainer Guy has made you do so many planks and lunges that your abs and glutes sear with pain any time you even think of moving, much less bending over to put on your shoes.

Next week Peppy Trainer Guy thinks he’s showing me a “15 Minute Speed Shred” routine. But the only thing I’m going to be shredding is his business card. Because life’s too short to be in this much pain.

May January bring you a better attitude about fitness goals than guru girl (and lots of new shoes!)(Click this link to go to target.com where you can get these shoes for around $25.) They also have them in a quilted, black leather (so sporty!)

And Steve Madden is making a really cute pair in plaid. Love! (Click this link to see the plaid shoes, available for around $23.)

Good Read: The Objects Of Her Affection by Cobb

So the Beta fish has died. So have the Aqua dragons.

The dragons are tiny, sea horse-like creatures that come in a toy box, with instructions that remind you the aqua’s are living creatures. So feed them, take care of them and don’t kill them, certainly not in the first week.

The 9 year old is bummed. She’s declared herself a bad pet parent. I know what it’s like to feel you’re a bad parent, just because you got excited and fed your wards, um, 9 times the recommended amount.

Actually that one particular parenting mishap has never happened to me. But it’s about the only one. I can check the box on all the others. I’m a perfectionist that way.

Here’s who else is a perfectionist: Sophie, the heroine of the book I’m currently reading The Objects Of Her Affection: A Novel.

30something Sophie is married to a guy who works in an art museum. They have two, little kids and a too-expensive starter home they just bought.

Sophie struggles to revive not only this historic Victorian but also her career, her marriage and her parenting style. It’s a lot of balls to have in the air, and Sophie’s perfectionist streak won’t let her drop even one.

The story’s set up is chic-lit typical: ambitious mom struggling with responsibilities. We know Sophie. Heck, we may have even been Sophie. But Sophie’s problems mount, and she starts to make choices that are – for lack of a better word – hellawack. (How great is that word? I try to use it as often as humanly possible. Just because.)

Then the intrigue escalates, and the story spins into something far different than a typical, domestic drama.

The book’s been compared to Gone Girl so I’m thinking something really sick &/or titillating happens in it soon. (Possibly in a shower? Possibly to Ben Affleck cast in the husband role when it’s made into a movie?) I joke. I joke.

But am thinking there’s going to be some twisted stuff happening in this seemingly benign, family drama. Twisty, turny stuff that makes you question the meaning of identity, family, loyalty and love. All good themes to explore this holiday season when cooped up in a house with your own dysfunctional family!

Hope the holiday season is treating you well and brings you much joy and peace and no beta fish, aqua dragons and/or their accompanying drama ;) 

If you're really on the "nice" list and get time to read, give The Objects Of Her Affection a try! (Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can get this title for around $11.)

Holiday Party Style In A Snap (& A Skirt)

I not only survived Operation Gumball at the school crafting day, I enjoyed it. 

Kid crafters making stuff for their families? I tell you, it warms the heart.

Here’s what else warms the heart: Anthropologie’s Fallen Star Skirt.

A maxi skirt with cascading golden waves? What’s not to like?

Perfect for the holidays and the whole winter season. Easy to dress up or down. The skirt is adorable on – I saw a gal pair it with a close fitting, nautical striped shirt. Casual elegance with just the right amount of sparkle for a holiday party.

 At the store, Anthropologie is showing it with a worn jean jacket. The perfect mix of high and low fashion! Good for concerts, bistros and anywhere else you want to look funky but not like you’re trying too hard. (Click this link to go to anthropologie.com where you can get this skirt for $168.)

Love, love, love it. The skirt’s a total two-fer: will warm your heart and make your fella’s sizzle with lust for the bod wearing it. That’s how hot you’re gonna look.

Steps for a mui caliente Merry Christmas:

1.      Buy this skirt.

2.    Wear this skirt.

Happy holidays, guru girls & guys!

How It's Going

There is a reason you won’t be hearing Guru Girl tips for the good life this week. And that reason is small, round, packed with sugar & has taken up every spare minute this week. (No, it’s not the 9 year old;)

It’s a gumball. Specifically 6,160 of them.

Why did I think this was a good idea again?!

Elementary school crafting day is going to be epic. Either epically great or an 

epic disaster. Not quite sure which… 

Cutest DIY Stocking Stuffer. Ever.

I like DIY projects as much as the next girl. Unless that girl is my friend Lisa who takes DIY to a whole new level. Lisa once renovated an entire bathroom. With the skill of a real plumber!

I also once renovated a bathroom – just the floor part. But instead of lifting the toilet up so I could tile under it, I simply cemented those suckers in place around the toilet’s base.

Clearly, I enjoy the idea of DIY, but in practice -- if it's to be successful --  the project had better be easy. And immediate gratification. And include no complicated plumbing.

Today I have just the thing: Gumball jars! These are stocking stuffers that are cute, easy and fun to make. The trifecta of great, and all for under $5.

For the kiddos in your life, personalize the jars with a flower or sports figurine on top. For the adults, think of their passion or an inside joke and personalize with an action figure (a la Star Wars), tiara or any plastic doo-dad you can find at Party City. 

You could even swap out the gumballs for gummy bears or coffee beans, according to your friend’s personal taste &/or addiction.

You can procure all the items you need, most inexpensively, at Walmart (or online at Walmart.com). Here’s the list:

-         Mason jars (usually sold in pack of 8 or 12)

-         Gumballs

-         Silk flowers

-         Sports gear toppers (sold in party favor packs of 12)

-         Labels

-         Washi tape

-         Rubber Cement

I think festive labels make the project so I added ones that said “cheers” and “score”. I typed these up on the computer since my handwriting’s atrocious, and I’m all about cute labeling.

This is also why I added the washi tape around the lid. (Washi tape is usually used for scrapbooking. It comes in many a fabulous pattern and makes the gumball jars extra cute. Totally worth the extra step.)

This is a great project to do alone or with kids. In fact, next weekend I’m going to do it with kids. 154 of them. At the elementary school’s craft fair. 

What could go wrong? Guru girl, a glue gun and gumballs. So, so many gumballs. Wish me luck!

Happy crafting, guru girls & guys! 

The 1 Thing That Ages You Immediately*

The 1 Thing That Ages You Immediately *And How To Get Rid Of It

Note the perfectly plucked eyebrows in this picture. They too are possible with the handy tip described below. 

Weird hair.

We’re not talking 1980s-hairstyle-weird. Though I’ve done that too.

We’re talking a specific hair. One that is weirdly long. And springs from the side of one’s face, or chin, seemingly overnight.

WTF?

You never see these weird hairs on cute 20somethings. And though I don’t wish to revisit my cute 20something years – and their accompanying drama – neither do I wish to appear downright elderly. Which is what these wayward hairs do. They make you look like Angela Lansbury!

We’ve got to get them pronto, ladies. But these hairs hide.

Some mornings you truly need Angela Lansbury sleuthing skill to find the little buggers. So you go about your day, zipping around town, when it happens. You randomly smooth the side of your face, and you feel it. The weird hair that has magically sprung, like Medusa’s snakes, from the side of your head!

It’s no good. But here’s a tip that is: Stash a tweezer in your purse. 

Instead of conducting the “search and destroy” mission in your bathroom, conduct it in your car!

Preferably in your driveway. But any parking lot will do. As long as you’re sitting in broad daylight and the unforgiving glare of your rearview mirror.

This process outs the weird hair immediately. Which then allows you to go out and about, secure in the knowledge that the only bouncing hair on your head is on your head and not your chin.

Happy tweezing, guru girls!

1 Design Rule All Of Us Break

Don’t you hate it when there’s conflicting expert advice? Today we’re covering the thorny topic of photographs on display.

I’m already bracing myself for the hate mail I know I’m going to receive on this.

But I’m going to go ahead and make a pronouncement: Masses of photographs on display have got to go.

Your home should not be a photographic shrine to every fun event you’ve experienced. It shouldn’t have a framed pic of every stage of your kiddo’s development.

This is bad design, say interior designers. And it’s bad for household maintenance because girl, you’ve gotta dust those frames. Or they start to resemble the dusty relics of a bygone age that, in essence, they are.

Here’s what designers say is okay: you can have one photographic shrine in your home.

One.

The frames should all be the same style. And it will look more cohesive if the photos are black and white instead of in color. 

But then I went and read The Secret Of Happy Families where the author says we should have masses of photographs in our homes. These images of the happy places and people in our lives increase our – say it with me now – happiness.

What is a happiness-seeking, clutter-busting girl to do?!

Here is the answer: observe the “one shrine in public” rule but add a second one on the sly. In your closet! 

I did this myself and am so pleased with the result. In fact, my closet shrine is my favorite because I look at the pictures every day, while dilly-dallying over clothing selection.

I actually think having a closet bulletin board would be even better. You could pin your favorite pics here. 

Easy to put them up, easy to swap them out. Like Beyonce and hair extensions!

Now you see them, now you don’t. This should be your mantra for both hair extensions and photograph displays.

Now enough with the reading, go take all the photos off your fridge and put them up in your closet instead!

Happy Wednesday, guru girls & guys!

Style In A Snap: Stitch Fix

Stitch Fix gets my thumbs up!

Sometimes I am late to the party. Not often. As I am Dutch and thus very punctual. And if punctuality isn’t a Dutch trait, I don’t know what is!

But I fear today’s recommendation may be late to the party. In the sense that everyone, except me, is doing it, has been doing it and can’t remember a time when they didn’t do it. Like Uber or hot yoga.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Stitch Fix. 2 of my most stylish girlfriends use it, and I am hot to give it a try. The concept is simple and it is genius: A personal stylist sends you clothes.

It’s style in a snap, and you know how I love shortcuts (and also getting anything in the mail that’s not tax related). You keep the clothes you like and send back the ones you don’t.

They source from funky boutiques so you won’t see your same outfit on the soccer mom next to you. And you don’t have to spend time scouring the boutiques for that perfect eclectic look. Stitch Fix does that for you!

You fill out a profile that specifies your style, size and price point. Most items are in the $50 range, but you can go higher or lower. You tell them how often you want to receive a package (for instance, every other month). And you pay them a $20 styling fee each time you receive a package.

A package includes 5 items. If you keep even one item your $20 styling fee is credited towards your purchase price. Last month my friend got a killer pair of jeans that fit perfectly, and it was a brand she’d never thought to try.

Indulge your inner celebrity, and give Stitch Fix a go. (Click this link to visit the Stitch Fix site.) Bonus points if you throw back some bubbly in your closet when your first package arrives and you have a try-on party!

Happy shopping, guru girls & guys!

2 Hands, 1 Heart & A Whole Lotta Homeland

My fella and I are excited. The new season of “Homeland” is about to start. We are less excited that our Showtime subscription has changed.

We can access Showtime online but not on the actual television set anymore.

This means we’re gonna have to get our fix of weekly espionage on the i-pad... a device we’re going to have to share.

This is very bad news.

We don’t share well. In fact, I once told Guru Guy if he didn’t buy himself his own umbrella I was going to leave him. 

We were in San Francisco. It was pouring rain, and we’d spent the day struggling over the umbrella.

We were newlyweds so this explains why we would even attempt such a rookie move as sharing an umbrella. Mental note: just because it looks cute and romantic in the “Pepsi” ad does not mean it is at all cute and romantic in real life.

We are no longer newlyweds. We are hardened veterans (like the Homeland crew this season!). We know what works for us, and it’s not sharing. So I’m getting the TwoHands II gadget. It snaps onto the i-pad and voila! hands-free viewing.(Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can get the TwoHands II for around $10.)

It will free up my hands and my heart. Because I will not spend the evening thinking hateful thoughts about my fella and his bad i-pad holding ways.  

One can only hope Claire Danes experiences a similar epiphany this season. Surely, like guru girl, she can forgive, forget and shop her way out of the darkness.

Happy viewing, guru girls & guys! 

Fish & Other Fall Festival Mishaps

I have made it through not one but two Fall Festivals at school. Both went surprisingly well, despite some unexpected setbacks.

The middle school festival was a runaway success. Remember, my cupcakes were among the featured dessert items there. But despite my careful planning of a cupcake theme, they didn’t turn out quite as I envisioned.

They were supposed to look like goldfish in a bowl.

The result? Not so much.

So then I worried no one would buy them. It turns out I overestimated my creative cupcake abilities, but I underestimated the sales skills of the 11 year old. She talked those cupcakes up to her friends, who then bought them up and ate them up. Hurray! Total win!

The fall festival at the elementary school was no less fraught. I signed up to volunteer for “concessions”. In my mind concessions meant I’d stand behind a snack table, sell potato chips and chat with other moms.

There is a dark side to concessions no one talks about. And that dark side is this: when hot dogs are being offered, someone has to make the hot dogs. And pop them in buns and wrap them in foil and slog them to the sales table. Guess who that someone was last weekend?

On the bright side I now know how to operate a large, hot dog steam unit (you can make 60 at a time!), and at least I didn’t have to wear a hair net.

But while I was busy with Operation Hot Dog, my fella was busy breaking one of our most important house rules: Fish are not allowed as pets.

Guru Guy let the 8 year old play a game where winners were rewarded with a goldfish. A live, swim-in-a-bowl goldfish.

Guess who won the game?

Guess what house now has a goldfish?

Fish are not allowed at our house because all of us hate cleaning the fish bowl, and it gets really disgusting. We know this because we had a beta fish who lived at least 5 years.

I danced a jig when he finally died and the house rule – No Fish! – was born.

But now we have a fish and a special fish tank on order. My Fun Fish Tank is supposed to be self-cleaning. My fella read all the customer reviews and they agree it actually works.

The tank had better work, harder than guru girl at the hot dog table, or else that guppy’s gonna get grossed out by his living conditions.(Click this link to learn more about My Fun Fish Tank, available for $14.99 online or from Target.)

In all seriousness, fall festivals remain one of my favorite fall things. Even when they involve goldfish.

Many thanks to the volunteers who make them happen, especially the volunteers who, unlike guru girl, have a good attitude and basic competence ;)

2 Ways To Smell As Good As Sofia Vergara Looks

There is a reason I am obsessed with laundry and that reason is pictured above,

 in the very act of creating more laundry.

Usually I am not about the extra step. Good enough is good for me. But sometimes -- just sometimes -- the extra step is worth it.

Because it can make basic laundry, great laundry. It can turn a tired salad into a terrific one.

For great laundry, the answer is detergent and scent boosters. You know those people who smell amazing, and it’s clearly not perfume or weird body spray? 

Like guru girl, they have googled their way to the answer: Gain Laundry Detergent and scent boosters. (Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can order Gain In Wash Scent Boosters for around $7.)

 

Scent boosters look like mini skittles. You throw a handful of them on top of your dirty duds and something positively transformative happens. Your clothes – and you who wear them – smell fantastic. Forever!

Scent boosters are little pods of goodness in the irksome task called laundry. I love them, almost as much as I love the chopped salad from Maggiano’s, which I also googled this week.

Am testing the Maggiano's recipe out this weekend and shall report my findings to you next week.

Happy going-the-extra-mile this weekend, guru girls & guys!

1 Good Thing (Frasier Fir Candle) & 2 Bad Ones

This is me, upon hearing the bad news about stress.

This just in: if you’re a woman leading a high stress life, it can increase your risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease when you’re old. This scientific finding was reported today by Lara Spencer on “Good Morning America”.

Why can’t Lara Spencer just stick to flea market finds instead of upsetting scientific ones?!

Right now my stress level is as high as my Visa bill, which is pretty high this month because of things I’ve had to purchase to make up for my stress-induced screw up’s.

Like the new mailbox.

Because the old one got backed into.

And the neighbors weren’t especially psyched by the resulting “redesign”. 

Maybe I just didn’t sell the idea to them with enough Lara Spencer zest?

This purchase happened just weeks after I had to buy a new bumper for the car because the car’s old bumper had an unfortunate meeting with the side of the garage.

Grrr.

So my fall shopping budget is busted, except for one, little item that’s a gotta get. Because this little number makes me feel like I’m in a tranquil, pine forest, instead of near a smelly garage, where I've just wrought havoc with my too-big car. 

It’s called the Frasier Fir Aromatic Candle (by Thymes). It retails for a spendy $28. But it’s worth every penny. Because it brings your stress level down and the cozy house factor up. Perfect fresh forest scent, I promise. (Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can order the Frasier Fir Candle from Thymes for around $28.)

Happy fall, guru girls & guys! 

3 Easy Options To Stow Your Gear

These Trofast shelves from Ikea retail for $180. Hooks for coats/bags additional. 

I am the locker whisperer. At least this is what I told the 11 year old this summer when we went to middle school check-in. She was worried her locker wouldn’t open.

And it turns out she was right to worry. Her locker is hard to open! In life, there are some inescapable truths:

You never get assigned the easy-to-open locker. Just like you never get assigned the easy-to-organize family. 

So we embrace the work around. Some WD40 here, a mudroom there, and we’re in business!  

If you don’t have a mudroom but you do have a formal dining room or living room, it’s a no-brainer. Thanksgiving comes once a year. 

Getting your family out the door? 

Every day.

Take an entire wall of this fancy room and trick it out. We’re talking storage, people. Locker storage cabinets or coat hooks and benches with shoe storage. 

The goal is to store at least 3 sets of shoes, coats and bags. There are a million ways to do it. And all of them are better than throwing that stuff on the floor or kitchen table.

This shutter locker storage is from homedecorators.com. It retails for $469 with $40 shipping. And it has a closed-door option too, which retails for $799.

For that twice a year you actually use your formal dining room, you can move the storage system into the garage so you’re not looking at Junior’s smelly soccer cleats over the turkey.

This "bench with shoe storage" unit is from Ikea and retails for $60. Place several hooks over it for coats and backpacks. 

This middle school locker only took us 2 1/2 hours to open. 

I know we like pretty rooms and spaces. Heck, I’m the one who bought the 11 year old a chandelier. For her locker.

But functional trumps pretty. She’s gotta be able to open the locker to enjoy the chandelier. It’s the same principle for our homes: first the function, then the fabulous.

Happy organizing, guru guys & girls! 

Dog Swag: 3 Hot Trends

I love my dog as much as the next gal. But, dog lovers, we have got to get a grip.

They are now selling a fitness tracker… for my dog. The FitBark is for people who want to track their pet’s every move via a gizmo attached to the collar. It calculates my dog’s hourly activity level and *bonus*, according to the literature, it lets me compare this level to other dog breeds.

Why would I need a gadget to tell me this information? Why would I not just look at my dog? The one who tracks me around 24/7?

This dog gadgetry seems excessive. Even to me, a person who once debated swabbing Stanley’s cheek and sending it away to a place that does dog geneology.

I would love to know the different breeds that combined to make the perfect alchemy that is Stanley. But there are better things to spend my money on, like a fitness belt for myself!

I know these are reminiscent of those fanny packs from the 80s, but an on-the-go girl’s got gear. Even when she’s just walking the dog, I mean, conducting a personal training canine fitness session.

The spibelt fits my keys, phone, Kleenex and motivational dog treats. All without bouncing around when I’m chasing Stanley as he chases local wildlife and the occasional threatening leaf.(Click this link to go to spibelt.com where you can order this belt up for around $20.)

For dog owners, I like the spibelt. I disparage the FitBark, and I question the Cuddle Clone, which is a stuffed animal clone of your pet you can order from the internet.

Am pretty sure this face is unclonable – so will just enjoy the real thing instead!

Happy Thursday, guru girls & guys!