Shows To Watch: Happy Endings Included

It seems the only reliable things lately are bad.

Athlete suspected of steroid abuse?

Guilty.

Engagement on “The Bachelorette”?

Faked.

Tearful moment on your favorite reality show?

Staged.

But there is one good thing you can rely on, and that thing is ABC’s Tuesday night lineup. Start off with “Happy Endings”, a smarter version of “Friends”. This ½ hour comedy also focuses on a group of wacky friends, but the comedy’s more about witty word play and absurd situations. Not a slapstick-y, trained monkey in sight. (It’s on Tuesdays, 8 p.m. central time.)

 

Then, at 8:30 p.m. central time, continue your viewing extravaganza by catching “Don't Trust The B—In Apartment 23”. This is a witty update of Felix and Oscar from “The Odd Couple”, only it’s 2 female opposites as roommates. June is a wholesome Midwesterner floundering on the mean streets of New York. Chloe is the cracked-out roommate whose “help” is meaner than anything your average New Yorker dishes out.

The show’s funny because Chloe is so dark and twisted. It’s also funny because Chloe’s best friend is James Van Der Beek, the star of 90s staple “Dawson’s Creek”. Van Der Beek plays a washed up, diva actor named James Van der Beek. I am a sucker for self-referential humor like this!

I am also a sucker for “Dawson’s Creek”, a show that I watched every episode of in 2003 when I was up all night with a cranky newborn and the show played on continuous loop on TBS. I missed much of the dialogue due to newborn shrieking but caught all of Pacey and Joey’s soulful looks. “Dawson’s Creek” was my glimmer of hope during a dark time.

 May “Happy Endings” and “Don't Trust The B—In Apartment 23” be yours.

 

Amp Up Your Holiday Style

The Sundance catalog continues to be a personal affront. This month’s version features 2 more ridiculous hats: the Bunny & Bear caps respectively.

Is there a conspiracy to infantilize women going on? What’s next? Onesies? Footed pajamas?

Know thyself. Know thy body type. Be careful of trends. If they’re not going to flatter you, don’t wear them. Fashion should be about looking your personal best. It shouldn’t involve looking at a picture of Stylish You from 10 years ago and cringing.

If you’re in the shop’s dressing room and you’re on the fence about an item, just say no. This is your body’s primal way of saying,” Back away from the skinny jeans.”

So page 41 of the Sundance catalog had me rolling my eyes and flashing back to my Women’s Studies class in college (and yes, I totally took it for the easy “A”, but clearly walked out with some lasting ideas, unlike college algebra.)

 

But Sundance redeemed itself on page 40 where it featured the Darien Cowlneck tee. This is a great top. I own several in a similar style, and I wear them all the time. They’re great for layering under a sweater or blazer for work, and they look casual but cute for running around town. Make sure to wear with a camisole underneath or the look’s less fashion forward and more va-va-voom, and you don’t want to know what Women’s Studies chicks have to say about that.(Click this link to go to sundancecatalog.com to see the tee, retailing for $58.)

Rip Your Brain

I blame General Petraeus. My tolerance for the tawdry is high. I don’t fear for civilization when it’s Rihanna and Chris Brown acting like fools on Twitter. I don’t wince for future generations over the breakup antics from Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. But when this country’s military elite start acting like deranged, lovesick, teenage pop stars, it’s not good. In military vernacular, it’s Houston-We-Have-A-Problem time.

Where are the smart, thoughtful, mature people doing great things for humanity? I need a dose of them, quick. You wouldn’t think the internet would be your answer here, but it is. Tap your way on over to TED.com for a “TED Talk”.(Click this link to go to ted.com for a list of talks etc.)

Ted Talks started several years ago. They’re presented at an annual conference where speakers are given 18 minutes to talk, in an engaging way, about their area of expertise or interest. They’re billed as “great talks to stir your curiosity” and “ideas worth spreading”.

I love these talks! It’s like being a fly on the wall in an executive session of the world’s smartest, most innovative thinkers. I watch one of these and my hope for the future is automatically restored. There are some people with killer smarts out there. Yes, technology’s brought about the downfall of some of them (Petraeus’ e-mail trail is one example), but technology’s also letting these people connect, share and build ideas into real things that are changing our lives for the better.

Some of the ideas are outlandish, and some of the presentations are really bad (like when a speaker released a horde of mosquitoes into the auditorium to illustrate a point about medicine). But a really good TED Talk leaves your brain fired up, in a way that a “Words With Friends” or “Facebook” session never does.

“You can’t out-train a bad diet!” This is something personal trainers like to shout to inspire us to get the perfect 10 body. The idea applies to our heads as well. Give your brain something to graze on besides the latest celeb scandal, and watch it get positively ripped.

Best. Game. Ever. (And Troublesome Toy)

 

This Christmas season I am going to stop being an advertiser’s dream customer. This will be hard because I’ve spent 40 years grooming myself into the kind of customer who sees the commercial for the Air Swimmer Giant Flying Shark and buys it. Simply because the commercial makes it look so cool and fun. I bought not one but two of these damn things last year.

And then found out the hard way how not fun and not cool they are. What they are is unwieldy because they’re basically 6 foot long blimps that you direct through the house via remote control.

 

The Dynamic Duo directed their air swimmers onto the top of the precariously balanced Christmas tree where the blimps remained wedged until my fella climbed on a chair to extract them. Many times. Then the Dynamic Duo flew their blimps perilously close to my festive vases, resulting in their mother acquiring a festive, holiday eye twitch from the stress. Finally, the Dynamic Duo settled on the game of “buzz the dog” because apparently only one member of the family having an eye twitch wasn’t enough.

Then the blimps ran out of helium and have sat, deflated and sad, in the basement ever since. Because I’m the kind of gal who barely remembers to get milk at the grocery store, much less helium.

Nope. This Christmas I am not falling for it, and neither should you. Instead, I’m going to remember that our family’s favorite game in the past year is one that’s been around for 60 years. It doesn’t require so much as batteries, much less helium. It’s called Pit. It’s a card game, and it is awesome. Fast-paced, easy and fun for all generations. We have family members as young as 6 who play it and those as old as 70. And we all love it. If you need a good gift for a kiddo or family in your life, check out Pit. It’s $14, eye twitch not included.  (Click this link to learn more about Pit game, available on amazon.com for around $14.)

A Great Read: The Dovekeepers

 

Have I got a saga for you. It’s got love stories, the supernatural and a cursed existence redeemed only in the final act. And it involves nary a vampire. (Bet you didn’t see that one coming!) Instead, this saga is in the form of a book of literary fiction called The Dovekeepers. It focuses on 5 Jewish women whose suffering and kick ass triumph over misfortune make the challenges of vamp Edward Cullen pale in comparison.

Thirst for blood? Nah. These ladies thirst for water, revenge and a sense of hope. You see the story’s set 2,000 years ago, and they’ve narrowly escaped murderous Romans in Jerusalem. Separately, these gals stagger through the desert and find a home in a souped up Roman palace that a band of Jewish warriors has overtaken.

It’s 70 C.E. so you’d think the passions that motivate these gals might be different than modern day ambitions, but no. They’re motivated by love and friendship, protection and jealousy, same as your average 2012 soccer mom. The stakes are higher (should they lose any of these) so there’s lots of black magic and spell casting too.

Here’s what was particularly great about the book: its premise is based on an event that actually happened and artifacts that were actually found (and are currently housed in a museum). But author Alice Hoffman made up the rest. She thought about the women who might have lived in the fortress, and she fleshed them out so fully that these gals could be members of your own book club, albeit with less of an interest in a really good wine list.

The Dovekeepers is a great read – a thoughtful look at the ways one civilization destroys its own humanity and the steps its women take to earn it back. (Available on amazon.com for around $10.88.)

Get Your Dog All Lit Up

Finally, proof the size of Real Housewife NeNe Leake’s bottom far eclipses the size of her brain. She was recently interviewed for InStyle magazine’s feature “Best Gifts For Your Dog This Christmas”. NeNe recommended a dog chew toy in the shape of a woman’s shoe. Her rationale was that it’s adorable, and with this at home at least Fido won’t be chewing on his owner’s real shoe.

NeNe Leake’s dog must be a lot smarter than our dog, who – if given a shoe-shaped chewie – would take that as permission to go to town on any shoe-shaped item in the house, such as real shoes. That’s because our dog’s a member of a species known for their love of sniffing butts, not their fine inferencing skills.

 

Here is a good doggy gift: a light up dog collar so when Fido is off-leash and frolicking you can follow him by the sight of his blinking lights as he dashes through the snow, far away from you. It’s so festive, just like the Rudolph story, except for the part where you’re swearing and mad. (Click this link to view LED dog collars on amazon.com. Available for around $23.)

How To Not Kill A Fish, Catch A Cold...

 ... And Other Impossible Tasks

 

Right now the 9 year old’s beta fish is the size of a small puppy. That’s how bloated he is, and it’s not because he’s overindulging in the fish food.

It’s a bad sign, my fella says. It means the fish is on his way out. Like all the other fish before him. Why can’t we seem to keep fish alive in this house? It can’t be that hard. Except, apparently, for us.

And why can’t we keep from catching the common cold as often as we do? We’re diligent about vitamins. We get enough rest. I bought out a whole store shelf of hand sanitizer last month. But every December we deteriorate into sniffling, sneezing, hacking messes. We’re a human domino chain of virus. Each of us falls; it’s just a matter of time. All winter long.

My friend Becky says she has an answer, and at this stage I’ll try it. Even though it involves going to Whole Foods, which will be more beserk than normal given that Thanksgiving is in two days. Becky says the answer is a potion, by the name of “Kick Ass Immune Activator”. It comes in a little, blue bottle, and you down it at the first hint of a sniffle. Becky swears by it as a way to head off a cold. They even make a kid version called “Kick It”. Becky says it tastes really bad, but its effect is really good. Because it -- well duh -- kicks ass on that cold and has you on your merry way in no time.

I’m going to the store now to get it. When I get back I’ll be writing the eulogy for the fish and pondering other impossible tasks, like how to make pies for Thanksgiving without eating half the batter. Also, if you have tips or tricks about how to keep the damn fish alive, please share them in the comments section. Is the answer a big, fancy, fish tank that self-filters? Maybe there’s some exotic fish food you can buy? The Dynamic Duo, and their fish-killing mother, want to know! (WishGarden Kick Ass Immune Activator is available also at pharmaca.com for around $15. Click on this link to view.)

Tradition, Tradition: Not The Fiddler On The Roof Song

 

Go big or go home. This is a popular saying these days. I think it’s a sports analogy, which explains why I have no idea what it actually means. But I applied what I think is its sentiment to the 6 year old’s birthday this past weekend.

We celebrated the birthday with joy and an emphasis on the forbidden, meaning we main lined sugar for 3 days straight, decorated her room so it looks like carny folk live in it (sorry, I mean decorated it in a tasteful, circus style) and embraced balloons.

You know my philosophy about balloons. I hate them. But the night before the 6 year old’s birthday I took my balloon-hating self to the grocery store, where I purchased 12 of them, in every color of the rainbow. Then I snuck into the 6 year old’s room and tied them to her bed. When she woke up the next morning for her birthday, there they were. Big, beautiful balloons everywhere you looked.

Nothing says birthday like balloons. Nothing says “I love you” like your peeps doing something for you that they really, really hate just because they know you’re going to really, really love it. So I grit my teeth through the weekend of balloon mayhem. And there was mayhem. All of the punting, kicking, slamming and popping that there usually is. But there was also the 7 year old’s, big, missing-tooth-filled smile.

So a new tradition’s been born, and it has nothing to do with baking (which I hate) or camp fire songs (which are tricky because I’m tone deaf). I can already tell that birthday balloon breakfast is going to be a keeper at our house. Try it at yours! It’s a big, beautiful, noisy way to say you care to all the members of your big, beautiful, noisy household.

5 Perfectly Acceptable Dinner Options

I am viewing the world through a Nyquil haze today. My bionic vitamins have failed me, and I have a head cold. I’m a little bit diva in everyday life. When I’m sick? I’m a big, old diva. I sit on the couch and read old magazines, which I generally find soothing except for the inevitable fall magazine features: “How To Jazz Up Your Kid’s Lunch”. And they’re filled with a million suggestions that your dog wouldn’t eat, much less your kid. In what universe is a kid going to eat a tortilla smeared with hummus and topped with pineapple?

These features make no real life sense, kind of like the outfit combinations in “Lucky” magazine. My personal favorite is when “Lucky” shows you several different ways to wear a cocktail dress. First, you could wear it solo to, oh, a cocktail party. (Thanks for the tip on that one, Lucky. Never would have figured that out on my own.) Next, for Saturday errand running, throw a wool sweater on over it and some booties.

Who gets all cocktail-dress-girdled-up on a Saturday afternoon? By this point you’re so annoyed with the out-of-touch fashion editors that you don’t even bother to peruse “Look 3”, which is probably something really logical, like throwing on your dress, a jogging bra and your Nikes so you can hit the gym for a sweat sesh*. (*And, who uses “sesh” instead of “session”?! That term is even more annoying than the outfit in the first place.)

How about offering us gals some stuff we can really use, like “5 Perfectly Acceptable Dinner Options, When You’re Sick But The Kids Are Still Hungry”:

1.     Ramen.

2.    Cereal.

3.    Eggs.

4.    Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

5.    McDonald’s. There. I said it. Publicly. That’s how brave I am or maybe it’s just because I’m Nyquil-addled today. It’s perfectly acceptable to let your kids have McDonald’s for dinner sometimes. The universe is not going to come to a screeching halt. Neither will the brain or healthy body development of your offspring.

The road is long, people. Kids gotta eat. Every day. Three times. This is a mantra at our house. What it means is: Relax. Today’s dinner might not be ideal, but you’ll have lots of opportunities to make it up. You can’t knock it out of the park all the time. But, all of the time, you can have the aforementioned ingredients on hand. Then your kids can get busy making dinner and giving you the hook up. Music to your ears, right? It would be music to mine too, if I could hear anything through this congested haze.

 

 

Video Star: An Epic App

I’m all about an instant pick-me-up. That’s why kicking my Diet Pepsi addiction has been so tricky. Did I write “tricky”? I meant “such a failure”. I love that Diet Pepsi is something I’m addicted to that isn’t really bad for me. Except that -- this just in -- it is bad for me. Really, really bad.

This is why I don’t like to read the newspaper. Because ignorance is bliss, but once you’ve actually read the darn study, it’s difficult to ignore that your behavior isn’t just mildly inadvisable, it’s downright dangerous.

So I’ve got to get on that. Studies also show that successful kickers of bad habits replace the bad habit with another less bad habit. So now my fridge is filled with sparkling water, which is good, but I’m going through caffeine withdrawal, which is bad. And sparkling water does nothing to make me happy or give me energy.

Here’s what does: the app “Video Star”. You download it, for free, onto your i-pad or phone, and it lets you become the McG of video directors. (For those of you not in the know, McG is only one of the best video directors of all time, so good that Drew Barrymore picked him to direct her movie “Charlie’s Angels” -- which is also really good, perhaps not “27 Dresses” caliber but good. How can you not like a movie where L.L. Cool J. has a cameo and rips his face off in the first 5 minutes? But I digress…)

Video Star is my new, instant pick-me-up. Because it lets me film the Dynamic Duo as they make a video of any song on my  phone. Instantly. Easily. There are lots of special effects that I can tap, and -- voila!-- the screen is transformed. So the 6 year old is dancing around with rainbows behind her head for 20 seconds, then I tap the “comic” special effect, and it transforms her into a comic book version of herself until I tap the next special effect. At the end of the song, the video is available for instant viewing and laughter.

Fun, easy, free. This makes me happy and brings me energy just thinking about ways I can use this great app. Like film the Dynamic Duo doing a video of my favorite song of all time, Michael McDonald’s “What A Fool Believes”. 70s rock and the Dynamic Duo combined in a video on my phone? This is epic happiness, on a who-cares-about-diet-pepsi scale.    (Click this link to go to itunes to learn more about VideoStar app.)

5 Ways To Have Your Kid Win The Lottery

If you could have your kids win the lottery, would you?

 

Every quarter I show the video of Randy Pausch to the class I teach about professional success. Randy Pausch was a college professor who died of pancreatic cancer several years ago. But his unbeatable optimism and enthusiasm for life was chronicled in a speech he gave. It went viral on YouTube, millions watched it, and his speech was released in a book that became a best seller. (Click here to view the speech on YouTube.)Every time I watch Pausch’s speech, I’m struck by a quote of his. In talking about his childhood with his mom and dad, Pausch says, “I won the parent lottery”.

It made me think. We can’t ensure our kids win the actual, big bucks lottery, but we can increase their odds of winning the parent lottery. We can try to be really great parents. On some occasions, this comes naturally. On many, it doesn’t. Luckily, there are 5 actions that will increase your odds of going down in the parenting book of champions.

1.     Don’t reinvent the wheel. Read the books. Attend the lectures. It will be the best money you ever spent, if only because you will be surrounded by an entire auditorium of parents whose 2 year olds are just as cranky as yours. It’s so nice to know you’re not alone and other well-spoken, seemingly normal people are being driven positively batty by their offspring.

2.    Talk to other parents, the ones who seem grounded, whose kids are just a little older than yours, but they actually say “please” and “thank you”. There is much wisdom these parents have to share, if only you ask. “What worked for you guys?” are 5 words that will bring magical results.

3.    Find a discipline program that works for your little crew. “Love & Logic” was positively life-changing for us here at chez guru girl. My friend Alix jokes that “Screaming & Guilt Trips” work for her team. There are lots of programs out there to explore.

4.     Then -- the tough part -- administer the discipline program. Buy the sticker rewards charts and the prizes from Target’s $1 bin. It doesn’t matter which program you use, but use one. Don’t half-ass the discipline thing. The goal is not about you surviving the next few years. The goal is to raise little people into being the sort of big people you’d actually want to hang out with.

5.    Hang in there. Keep at it. Even when you want to sell your offspring to gypsies. Especially when you want to sell them to gypsies. It’s just a phase. It will get better.

Patience, perseverance, resilience, attitude, work ethic. All of these traits are really important for kids to learn. They’ll learn them because you’ll teach them. Over and over and over again.  

Does doing all this stuff mean you won’t screw up?

No.

Does it mean you’re at least in the game?

Yes.

By doing this, and the million & one other things you do on a regular basis, you’re ensuring that your kids are at least contestants in the lottery. It’s not as fun as Powerball, but it’s infinitely more meaningful… at least that’s what they tell me.

Worst. Movie. Recommendations. Ever.

Today we’re tackling the thorny topic of movie recommendations. I’m moved to do so because recently my friend Teresa, source of many a good “guru girl” topic, recommended the flick “Magic Mike”. Which meant that of course this was my pick Saturday night.

Wow. I can’t say Teresa didn’t warn me about the, ahem, male frontal action going on in this movie. But she didn’t warn me that the movie is bad. Really, really bad. Like “I’ll totally handle the bedtime curtain calls from the Dynamic Duo” bad. Heck, I’ll pop the microwave popcorn too. Anything to get away from the screen. It was that boring.

Also, it featured Tatum Channing, who appears to be a bit of a meathead, and this role (featuring Tatum as a male stripper with a heart of gold) did nothing to change my mind.

I’m no stranger to bad movie recommendations. I’ve made quite a few myself. I recommended “27 Dresses”, that movie about the girl who’s always a bridesmaid and never a bride, to our friend Dan.  

 

Dan refuses to let me live it down. It wasn’t that bad, and it had the most natural, organic, musical montage sequence I’ve ever seen. (And I’ve seen a lot of ‘em because I love a good musical montage. You know, the part where the heroine tries on lots of clothes and/or frolics around looking particularly carefree and cute while lilting music swells?) Dan was a bachelor at the time, and, I think, bitter, which is why he didn’t appreciate the movie.

But he brings it up all the time to try to distract from his own poor recommendation, which was “Zack & Miri Make A Porno”, the movie starring Seth Rogen. Who recommends that kind of movie to a girl?

I’ll tell you who. Dan’s buddy, who is also my husband, recently went rogue with a new-ish friend of ours, one whose movie taste we have no idea about. My fella told her she would just love “The Change Up”, the movie where Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds switch bodies. Do you know how many dirty (we’re talking filthy) scenes are featured in “The Change Up”?

A lot. And we carpool to school with this friend’s kids. Or we used to. Who could blame our friend for banning her children from ever sharing a ride with a guy with an appreciation for such foul humor? She hasn’t done this yet, but I think it may be only a matter of time.

What bad movie recommendations have you received? Which ones have you made? This could be a public health issue. We may have to come up with a public service announcement. Our friend Dan could star in them. He looks just like Christopher Meloni, the guy from “Law & Order”. It’s good that Dan’s hot, because his movie recommendations are decidedly not.

Toms Pop Cord Classics: Pop 'Em On Your Feet

 

I didn’t want to like these shoes. I tried not to, but then I saw them on display at Whole Foods. I don’t go to Whole Foods all that often because even their fruit is good. It tastes better than a candy bar. How is an undisciplined shopper such as myself supposed to walk out of that store with a full wallet?   

And my fella refuses to go because he thinks the Whole Foods shoppers at our local store are unreasonably proud of themselves for nothing other than being Whole Foods shoppers. I believe he may be overthinking such an inconsequential thing, but as I spend large amounts of time thinking about Ben Affleck, who am I to say?  

So there I found myself in Whole Foods, shivering in my ballerina flats and pondering the Tom’s shoe display. Yes, the shoes first struck me as being rather bandage-like, but they also struck me as being more substantial and warm than, oh, ballerina flats in November.

Then I got the Tom’s catalogue in the mail today, and they have lots of different styles. Their seasonal pop cord classics are adorable. Versatile, trendy and you’re doing good for the world. Because for every pair of Tom’s shoes you buy, the company donates a pair to a kiddo in need.

 

It’s a win-win. Kind of like eating fruit that’s candy bar good. Or going to see pretty much any Ben Affleck movie.    (Click this link to go to the toms website where you can check out these shoes, which sell for around $54.)

A Guru Girl Good Thing: MYdrap napkins

 

Confession: At our house, the iron is only used to do craft projects. I come by this iron aversion naturally. As a kid, my family had a fearless puppy, who grew up to one day attack the ironing board. Because in her 8 years with us, she’d never seen one before. So when it finally made its creaky appearance, she thought the ironing board was a monster attacking my mother.

I believe ironing is overrated, which is why I greeted the invention of great looking, dispose-a-napkins with such joy. MYdrap cotton napkins are the answer to the prayers of all you iron-hating, dinner-party loving gals out there.

Because you can’t host a nice dinner with paper napkins. It’s against the rules. And such a party-foul will guarantee all female relatives will spend the dinner wondering which barn you were raised in. Your female friends won’t care because they probably hate ironing too. But spending hours laundering and then jamming cotton napkins into funky napkin rings (to disguise their wrinkled state) isn’t so much fun either.

Enter: MYdrap cotton napkin rolls. These are cloth napkins that are nice but disposable! You rip them off of a roll that looks just like your paper towel roll. Size varies, but generally each roll contains 20 napkins and sells for around $26. If you want to launder the napkins and save them for your next nice dinner, you can do this. You can wash them up to 6 times before they’ll dissolve into a pulpy mess. But the beauty of it is that their inexpensive price means you don’t have to. You get the look of classy, cotton napkins with none of the work.

This holiday season I’m gonna go through these faster than Katy Perry does boyfriends. And they come in all sorts of different colors and designs, kind of like Katy Perry’s hair! 

One other tip: Let’s say you don’t have the bucks to spend on these napkins. Here’s another option: Use paper napkins for your dinner party, but have your kids draw cool pictures on them with a ball point pen. Then you look cool and artsy, rather than barn-raised.  (Click on this link to view further details on amazon.com, which sells them for around $27.)   

Will Bo Stay Or Will Bo Go?

 

 

I’m all about celebrity sightings. My friend Audrey has many of them under her belt. Even my fella, who cares not for these things, saw Rob Lowe in Malibu last year. Me, on the other hand? Weird Al Yakovic, the silly song guy from the 80s. My one and only celebrity sighting. Until this weekend, when we were in Washington D.C. and met the capital’s biggest luminary… Bo, the presidential dog.

As we were walking into the White House, Bo was walking out of it. Our dog-loving family was beyond thrilled. We got to pet the presidential dog, who is a lot fluffier and better smelling than our dog at home. 

Then we got to go across the street to the White House gift shop and buy every Bo souvenir ever made. So at our house there’s a new level of interest in today’s election… Will Bo stay or will Bo go? Vote, people, vote. This is not a political message. It doesn't matter to guru girl which candidate you go with, but how can you not be a part of Bo’s story?

Sky Mall Magazine & Go Go Gum

You might have wondered, “Why the radio silence lately, guru girl?” I’ve been in Washington D.C. spending some quality family time, by which I mean:

-       Arguing with the Dynamic Duo over the need to wear coats

-       Visiting museums and explaining evolution

-       Being bed buddies at night with the 9 year old, because the Dynamic Duo share a bed about as well as they share anything else -- not well

Now I’m on the plane, readying myself for take off, and I’m exhausted. I don’t do well in an exhausted state. Because that’s when I tend to do unpredictable, unwise things, like cutting my hair into a bob and volunteering to babysit the preschool guinea pig for the holidays. (Both of which I did, when the girls were young, during the Year Of Exhaustion, otherwise known as 2006.)  

So it’s not good that I’m exhausted, and there’s a Sky Mall magazine and a phone for shopping immediately in front of me. I love Sky Mall magazine. I love all its gadgets. In a weakened condition, it’s hard to fight the lure of the garden yeti statue or the Furminator deshedding tool for one’s dog (the name alone!)  

I need to find some energy. Luckily, my in-flight magazine has an answer for that too: Stay Alert Caffeine Gum! Apparently this gum delivers caffeine to your system more efficiently than coffee! It works so well that the army gives it to soldiers.

If it strengthens soldiers for a fight, it should work just fine for me and my Sky Mall battle. If not, the next time you’re in Denver you’ll know it’s guru girl’s house by the garden yeti statue out front.  (Click this link to go to ebay where the gum sells for around $6.50.)

Epic Vacation Idea: Family Camp

The good news is I didn't fall off the horse as I took this pic. The bad news is I came this close. It turns out when the wranglers say you should hold on to your saddlehorn and not mess with your camera, they are serious.

This was the only bad part of family camp. Recently, we went for a weekend, and I could have stayed for a week. The YMCA has family camps all across the country. The digs aren't blingy but they include your own bedroom, bathroom and heat -- we're talking 4 Seasons luxury compared to camping.

Consider family camp for your next giant family gathering. It's like a cruise without the seasickness and bad Hawaiian shirts. It's great for families because it offers everything -- an inside pool, a crafts barn that makes my little mod podge lovin' heart sing, nature hikes, classes in yoga and archery, frisbee golf, fishing, campfires and a rollerskating rink complete with disco ball and a soundtrack of '70s funk.

In Colorado, family camp is open year round, holidays too! Imagine your next Christmas gathering with the extended clan and no cooking or dishes, the whole vacation. They have this little thing called a cafeteria where the food is actually good, and better yet, not prepared by you!

This is a winning combination, unlike me, my Nikon and my YMCA camp horse, who was aptly named Lightning.