Every quarter I hand out “getting to know
you” questionnaires to my college students. It’s typical stuff – where are you
from, favorite hobbies etc. If I were completely honest on my own
questionnaire, I’d have to list people watching at the airport as one of my
favorite hobbies.
I love people watching at the airport, and
it’s a good thing because I got a good chance to do it yesterday. Specifically all day yesterday when our flight got
cancelled, and my fella and I got to spend some quality airport time.
I know guys in their 30s and 40s can be
sartorially challenged. I know they might not care about fashion or style. This
is no excuse. If you leave the house, you are inflicting your fashion on other
people. Read on for a quick guide of what to strike from your closet forever.
1.
Shower shoes – Anything striped and plastic is a
non-starter. They’re called shower shoes for a reason. You wear them in the shower, not at the terminal for
Frontier Airlines.
2.
Embellished jeans – News flash: you’re not all
up in the club. You’re up in the customer service representative’s face, trying
to sweet talk her into letting you fly stand by. If she thinks you’re a club
kid trying to make the mile high club in her aircraft it’s not going to help
your case.
If
the back pockets of your jeans have more frosting on them than your kid’s last
birthday cake, that’s a problem. There’s a solution for that. They’re called
Tommy Bahama jeans, and your wife will thank me if you get a pair.
3.
Ed Hardy T-shirts – You cannot wear these unless
you’ve got a steel horse in the driveway and a sleeve of tattoos… because this
is what the Ed Hardy t-shirt suggests when you wear it.
Ed
Hardys make guys look like posers. Rock your (non-logo-ed, with collar) shirt
with pride. And leave the posing to those fools who think they’re closer to
winning the “flying standby” lottery the closer they inch to the jetway.
4.
Jewelry – Any jewelry.
“What about watches?” says my guy.
Fine.
“What about wedding rings?”
Fine.
“What about those Lance Armstrong plastic
bracelets?”
Fine.
“What about…”
I
had to cut my guy off because he was being almost as annoying as my fellow
stand-by passengers.
So I didn’t win the flying standby lottery yesterday. But I did win a few other things that I like a lot:
- an extra night of vacation, courtesy of
United Airlines
- room service, courtesy of United Airlines
- the privilege of picking the movies my fella
and I watch for the next month
because I let my guy pick the movie to watch in the hotel last night and he
picked “Rock Of Ages” and it was terrible, almost as terrible as the fashion
choices of the flying public these days.
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