A Fond Farewell

This is not me writing my blog. This is me doing my second favorite thing, posing for a silly photo op.

Last week the 12 year old busted me.

“Mom, you need to do another blog post,” she told me, while also rattling off a list of other necessary tasks. Things like buy her non-weird leggings at Target, proofread her essay for Language Arts and make a dozen burritos for the Mexican fiesta in Spanish class the next day.

Huh.

My mind spun. First, you know how I feel about any kind of cooking, much less cooking an unfamiliar dish for a demanding audience (Spanish speaking middle schoolers!)

Also, I wasn’t aware the 12 year old regularly reads my blog. Or that she would like it enough to agitate for a new post.

It turns out the 12 year old does read it. But only because she doesn’t have Instagram or Facebook, which means there’s nothing else to read on her phone at school.

I had to share the bad news with her: There will be no new blog posts.

Guru Girl Guide To Greatness has run its course. I am still just as full of advice and embarrassing personal stories. But you will have to have lunch with me to hear them!

The fact is social media has always made me nervous. I feel this way now more than ever since we have a 12 year old who finds startling and inappropriate things on it, despite not having any social media accounts. I just don’t want her to find startling and inappropriate things on it, about her, written by her own mother!

Thus, I am on to new creative endeavors. And yes, by this I mean figuring out how to make a dozen burritos with a special Spanish flair. 

On deadline. 

Thanks for reading, guru girls and guys! I’ve had a blast writing Guru Girl and doing the “market research” (okay, shopping) to make it the best it could be!

Have a great week!  

My New Favorite Show: "Playing House"

Last weekend the 12 year old was hired for her first dogsitting gig. When I say 12 year old I mean it was me and Guru Guy who were hired. Because although the 12 year old accepted the job, the 7 a.m. “wake up and let the dog out” duty fell to us.

Luckily, we both fell in love with the frisky pup in our care.

Which is exactly the way I feel about Emma and Maggie, the frisky heroines of my new favorite t.v. series, “Playing House”.

Emma and Maggie are best friends from childhood. They’re now in their 30s and recent roomies, shacking up in order to raise Maggie’s new baby together in their hometown.

Emma and Maggie are quirky, irreverent and into everything I am: HGTV, romantic comedies and Kenny Loggins hits from the 80s! And they also use inventive lingo that will make you cry in a good way, like referring to those tasteful nursing cover ups as hooter hiders.

I don’t invent lingo like this, but I do abuse the heck out of cool phrases the dogsitter brings home from middle school. After cooking a particularly good dinner, I sometimes shout in victory,”Like a boss!” I am also working on my nae, nae and stanky leg.

But back to the t.v. review -- “Playing House’ is really, really funny. And heartwarming too. Like a really good meeting of your book club. And you don’t even have to squeeze into stylish clothes or fight traffic for the laughs.

Tune into USA network on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. or watch on demand to see for yourself. Any show that has a fantasy sequence of the Property Brothers is worth a 30 minute try! 

3 Life Lessons & Not 1 Celeb Mention

The universe has been talking to me lately.

Last weekend my fella and I scored the last patio table at a fancy French restaurant. I walked over to it with more than a little “yeah, I’m hot stuff” swagger.

Until I sat down and realized this was the view.

This is the Universe telling me to remember what counts. It’s the inside that’s important, not the outside. Especially if the outside features an unobstructed view of an angel’s a$$.

Universe Lesson #1: Remember what’s important: the people you’re with, not the where.  

Last week the internet went down for 2 days here at Chez Guru. It was so frustrating I finally tried meditation, a practice I’ve been advocating a full year now. But hadn’t found time to do yet myself. 

As I’ve said, this blog is aspirational, even for me. No one can possibly do all the healthy, wholesome, stylish, organized things I recommend!

So there I was meditating. For 4 whole minutes before the dog found me.

Universe Lesson #2: Be still. To listen to your breath or -- if you’re a bad meditator like me -- to receive kisses from your dog.

Both bring much needed perspective. You are the not the center of the universe. Except to your dog.

So make time for the love. Anytime someone who actually thinks you’re the center of the universe – whether it’s your pet, your kiddo, your partner -- is trying to connect with you, make the time. Don’t put them off because you’re too busy trying to fix the damn internet.

My last “a ha” moment happened today when I drove by a sign advertising an upcoming Firearm Festival. It specified all the great stuff that was going to happen there. Fun! Children’s Activities!

At the Firearm Festival. Naturally.

Universe Lesson #3:

Lighten up. Remember to laugh. Some things are absolutely absurd.

Don’t get so caught up in the drama and the to-do list that you forget to appreciate the funny side of life.

Maybe I’m looking too hard for signs from the universe. But I think, if we slow down and try to tune in, it’s waiting for us to hear and see the signs it’s throwing down. 

You don’t have to be an excellent meditator to get there. Sometimes it smacks you right in the face. With a pair of wings;)

Happy Wednesday, guru girls & guys! This week may you be connected, to friends, family and the internet!

I Saw The Sign: And It Rocked My Kitchen

I’m a sucker for monograms. And also dogs and babies. But it’s not as easy to pick up a new model of those at your favorite boutique. 

So I content myself with monograms. On towels. Beach totes. You name it, I’ll monogram it ;)

What’s better than a monogram? A full on personalized item with your whole name. Like when you were a kid, spinning the drugstore rack of mini-license plates, searching for one with your name. If you were Jennifer or Lisa, you scored. If you were guru girl? Not so much.

But these days I’m in luck! Because these days there’s Etsy, aka my own personal kingdom of artists, ready to do my bidding. Now if only they had an Etsy for laundry and food prep!

My latest whim is a vintage looking sign personalized with my last name. Because I saw a similar one in a magazine featuring a celebrity kitchen, and it’s too fabulous for words.

It offers just the right touch of classic charm. And the personalization thrills my inner pre-teen. Sometimes listening to Inner Pre-Teen isn’t such a great idea. Like when she tells me to wear glittery eye shadow. Or roller skate.

But when my inner voice tells me to order up this personalized sign – a steal of a deal at $46 – I listen with no fear of regret. Or embarrassing, sparkly pictures tagged on Facebook. (Click this link.)

The Khloe Kardashian Of Clutches

                          Available at Michael's (the craft shop) for under $5. 

What’s that famous Jane Austen line? “It is a truth universally acknowledged… yada, yada, yada.”

I can never remember the rest of that darn line. Possibly because the information it contains isn’t so relevant to my life. But here’s some info that is.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that some August magazine articles – the ones that are fall staples – are a complete and utter waste of time.

The ubiquitous “Ways To Jazz Up Your Kid’s Lunch”. This peppy feature covers nothing a real kid would eat. Ever.

The even worse “Ways To Transition Your Summer Outfits To Fall Ones”. No actual cute-in-real-life outfit ever resulted from the advice offered by this article.

But sometimes magazines get it right. This month they’re all showcasing cute clutches.

Hallelujah! Have never met a cute clutch I didn’t like. Because they make you streamline your stuff for a night out. And they help you find your stuff if you throw a few in your bucket bag. Which should be more aptly named the black-hole-of-stuff bag, but I digress.

Bonus points if the purses are cheap and witty. Which these little numbers from Michael’s are! Now you get today’s title, right?

Now go out and get yourself a clutch too;)

2 Tremendous Travel Tips

These are not the travel tips. These are the dogs, who spent vacation masquerading as rockers on an album cover from the 70s. 

So on my way home from vacation Sunday I read the magazine article “Packing Hacks”. File this under the “day late, dollar short” category in my life. Because this info would have been so helpful before I went on vacation.

And left all my necklaces at home because it makes me so bitter when they end up a tangled mess at the bottom of my suitcase, alongside other travel oddities. See: hotel sewing kits, baggage tags and money from foreign locales one can’t remember having visited.

But I am happy I learned the most important Travel Tip at the beginning of summer.

If you want to stay healthy (when on germy airplanes to get to some exotic locale where you will get money you will squirrel away in the bottom of your suitcase for the next 10 years), you have to get some Neosporin antibiotic cream.

Next, you have to pop it on a q-tip and swirl it around the inside tip of each nostril. This is gross, but it will also keep germs at bay which makes the gross-ness worth it. And if you have kids or pets this act doesn’t even make the top 10 list of gross things you’ve done this week alone.

Like life with kids and pets, an illness-free vacation is worth it.

A vacation – that includes jewelry and shoes – is also an interesting idea. So I’ll share the “travel hack” info too.

1.      To pack necklaces: cut open a straw and loop the necklace through the straw to prevent tangling. Genius!

2.    To pack germy shoes: wrap them in the plastic shower caps the hotel provides. This way exotic dirt on all your clothes is not one of the souvenirs you’re bringing home.

Happy end-of-summer vacationing, guru girls & guys!

6 Super Summer Reads

Yesterday Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert announced their divorce. The country music superstars are calling it quits. 

Their marital bust up is sad news for them but good news for fans like guru girl. Because there’s nothing like a love-gone-wrong song. I predict they’ll both write many. And Miranda’s will have just the right mix of unhinged vengeance and regret.

Which is exactly how I felt today when I went to tell you all about my favorite new jacket from Boden only to find that it’s sold out. Sold out in less than a month!

So Miranda and I are both women scorned. Yearning for a future that will never be. Me with my Isla jacket. Miranda with Blake.

I’ll get over the Boden betrayal through escape. Into the arms of a good book. Or 10.

Miranda will probably get on with it too. Into the arms of a good boy-toy back up dancer. Or 10.

Here’s my wish list this summer. Please note none of them are named Casper.

Books I Want To Read This Summer*

(*because they're new releases & most reviews say they're good)

A Window Opens by Elisabeth Egan

Bradstreet Gate by Robin Kirman

Among The Ten Thousand Things by Julia Pierpont

Maybe In Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Dismantling by Brian DeLeeus

Dietland by Sarai Walker

Happy reading, guru girls & guys!