Why Weddings Are The Answer

I just got back from my cousin’s wedding. He got married in Iowa on Saturday. I had to pinch my arm and think of maddening things the dog does, to keep from crying in that unglued “Is she okay?” way that sometimes afflicts me when I’m really moved, most recently after viewing “We Bought A Zoo”. That’s how moving and emotional the ceremony was.

Another cousin got married in June, and it was the waterworks for me then too. Although this time I was more controlled, mostly because it was a Quaker ceremony where anyone can offer their testimony to the happy couple, and I was worried my fella would alleviate the occasion’s solemn vibe with a dirty limerick or two.

I love weddings. I love how hopeful they are. I love that in our crazy, no-one-has-time-for-tradition-anymore lives this is a ritual we juggle everything for, schedules and flights and work deadlines. In order to be there. In person. Not by Skype.

I love that family and friends fly in from dozens of cities, states and countries to be there -- in that Welsh church, in the middle of an Iowa cornfield, or in that Quaker meeting house, on an island in the middle of a lake -- to sing together and tear up together and celebrate love in all its messy glory.

And it was messy this weekend, and at the wedding in June too. There were babies crying and elderly relatives confused and the expected disagreements and tensions that come up when there’s travel and weather and expectations and 4 generations under 1 tent together. Boundaries were crossed, emotional and otherwise (btw, Great-Grandma, my guy’s really sorry he walked in on you in the bathroom).

But pride was swallowed and annoyance and pointed words too. I let my mom ruffle my hair. I hate having my hair ruffled. I watched as my dad helped his dad down some steps, with a patience I rarely see in either. I listened when one niece jollied her baby cousin out of a tantrum.

This is what it’s about. This is how we overcome the madness in Aurora and Wisconsin. The answer isn’t to focus on the darkness and pour over the news accounts of the rampages -- the when’s, the where’s, the why’s. Because that’s a black hole that sucks time and energy and hope.

The answer is to focus on the light. The hair that’s ruffled. The hand that’s held. The distracting word that’s whispered. The miles that are traveled. All of this done, by thousands of people, across the country, every Saturday during wedding season. And on countless other days too, when babies are born, deaths mourned, graduations attended and milestones observed.

There’s light all around us. But we have to get our heads out of the black hole long enough to see it and appreciate it for what it is: a gift. Better than any “must have” item Guru Girl blogs about. Because this gift can’t be bought with money. It’s bought with love, the very best in us and of us.

Thanks to my cousins and their brides for reminding us all about the light and throwing 2 of the summer’s best wedding bashes to boot!

 Guru Girl, before bursting into tears at the ceremony

The happy couple from this weekend

Who doesn't love a good square dance?

The happy couple from the June wedding