Name That Blog

I’m thinking of renaming the blog. It’s a quandary because I want to pick a good name, one that’s memorable but one that’s also frequently requested in search engines. Based on what just came up on my computer, I may just rename my blog “concussion symptoms”. Because no sooner had I typed in just a few of those letters than the slogan popped up.

I typed this phrase into my computer because I believe I could be suffering from concussion symptoms. It’s freezing, snowy and windy here in Colorado today. You would think I would take this into account when I opened the hatchback of my SUV, a hatchback that frequently falls down, even when not burdened by high winds and a bunch of snow. But no, there I was, arms filled with stuff from the trunk, when the hatchback came crashing down on my head.

My head hurt immediately after it happened, and it hurts even more now that I just surfed my way over to “Web MD”, a site my fella says I should never visit. He’s right. I shouldn’t visit it because every time I do I immediately have all of the symptoms it lists. Yes, I have a headache. I also have a bit of dizziness and fuzzy thinking. But I can’t tell if this is out of the ordinary or just due to the cutting-down-on-caffeine lifestyle I’ve recently adopted.

I ran into my friend, Sevi, at the bookstore immediately after it happened. She evaluated the size of my pupils and then told me not to worry. I only have to stay awake 24 hours. Ha, ha, Sevi. I was going to feel bad for her that she was in the middle of the bookstore, trying to figure out how a Nook works, while shepherding her 3 kids, hopped up on holiday party sugar, but now I don’t feel bad for her at all. Now I’m going to text her at midnight when I’m trying to stay awake due to my head trauma. I’ll be awake and brainstorming new, potential blog names.

These are the options I’ve come up with so far. They’re unlikely to get better as I get more tired and impaired as the day wears on. So help Sevi out. Give me some feedback on the options below so that just maybe I won’t text Sevi later tonight to wake her ass up, I mean, get her opinion on them.  

. Tipster (this one has a tagline too… hip tips to ace the race of life)

. Lux Likes

. Worth A Splurge

. Get It Done

. Exceeds Expectations

. Codebreaker

. Behind The Curtain

. Time Crunched & Testy

. Herding Cats

 Which one do you like the most? Any other ideas that jump out at you? Let me know in the “comments” section below. You should be able to write them in anonymously. But keep it clean, people. My dad reads this blog… as does my 9 year old, which you might have guessed because really, who else is going to comment “fascinating stuff, Mommy”.

6 Frequently Asked Questions

There are some random things I really love, like Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) sections and Editor’s Notes. Both make me feel like I’m getting a secret scoop, information not available to just anyone.

 I also really like bark chips but for completely different reasons. They smell good, they’re cheap, and they completely transform the look of a garden in minutes. Unlike that stupid “Yard Crashers” where, at the end of your 30 minute viewing stint, the yards still look kind of straggly because the verdant, new landscaping was planted, um, yesterday. Those shows are a complete and total waste of time. Hear that, HGTV?

For your viewing pleasure, which I realize won’t be nearly as high as mine, I present: Guru Girl Frequently Asked Questions

1.    Are your stories real?

 Yes, they are real. Sometimes I change the names of my friends in order to protect the innocent. For instance, I don’t want the reputation of my friend who is a banker besmirched by her association with free-wheeling me. Banking is a pretty conservative industry so in posts I call her by her nickname.

All of my stories are real. Sometimes they reflect my own confusion in life, as when I mistakenly thought the guy who recommended “American Ninja Warrior” was a sports trainer. Turns out he’s a banker. Good thing I didn’t call him by his real name.

2.   How can I comment?

 The anonymous comment button has been enabled. This means you guys can leave your thoughts/ideas without having to go through the rigorous process of registering… which I myself don’t know how to do.

 So far, so good. Commenters are following my family’s “keep it kind” mantra. Editor’s note: Yes, I realize this is probably because most of the commenters are actual members of my family.

Come on now, you don’t need to share my DNA in order to comment. Chime in.

3.   How do you get your ideas? Are you paid for your endorsement?

I am not paid to endorse any products. Are you crazy? What advertiser would want the kind of testimonial I offer? I’m not exactly the aspirational customer. I don’t know who this mythical creature is for many advertisers, but she is probably not frazzled, forgetful and full of public stories about her biggest screw ups.  

I write about stuff that I read about and purchase. I also shamelessly hector my friends about stuff they’re loving.  

4.   What if I have a product/movie/book recommend to share?

I’d love to hear about it. If it’s related to a daily post you could write your recommendation in under the “comment” section or you could e-mail it to me at: gurugirlguidetogreatness@gmail.com

I’d also like to add a new category: “Letters To Guru Girl”. Is there a quandary/conundrum/problem in your life that you need advice about? Zip me a note. I’ll include it on the blog, along with my most sage advice and wisdom. You don’t even need to sign it. The whole protect the innocent thing. Clearly, I’ve been watching too much “Law & Order”.   

5.   Why are you doing this?

I’m always telling my students and the Dynamic Duo that you’ve got to try new things. Mix it up. Do what you love. This blog is me at my role-modeling best. Frightening, isn’t it?  

6.   Your blog is great. How can I help grow your audience?

Full disclosure: This question is from my dad, who – bless his heart –

 e-mailed all the guys in his address book the link to my blog on the day that I wrote about nipple shields. You’ll notice the nipple shield post is no longer on the blog. I took it down. Because I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack. And I love my dad more than I love this blog.

But it’s true that I really appreciate the support you all have shown by reading this blog on a regular basis, and I really appreciate the folks who’ve asked how they can share posts with an even bigger pool. I know not everyone loves social media, but if you’re a big Facebook user & you felt so moved, here’s what would be awesome. 

Let’s say you really liked my post about Neutrogena sunscreen. On the lower-left side of the screen there’s the “F” Facebook icon. Click on that, and it will zip you to your Facebook page. You can link this post to your Facebook page so it will appear on your wall. It will let you write a few lines too. If you wrote something like “My friend just started a blog. Her post about sunscreen describes my mornings exactly!” that would be most helpful. Because then maybe your friends would check it out. This happens a few times, and pretty soon we got ourselves a grassroots movement.

 

Again, no pressure to do this unless you’re my fella who gets relentlessly quizzed about this before getting into bed at night. I myself am recently back on Facebook after taking a 4 year hiatus due to completely undisciplined use. So I understand being hesitant about social media. What you shouldn’t be hesitant about is checking out this blog. I try to post 4 or 5 times a week so keep coming back!

Thanks for reading!

This is me being thankful that you're reading and also a little bit scared that the 9 year old is going to drop the camera.

 

How To Follow Guru Girl: Complete Instructions

In Montel Jordan's Immortal Words "This Is How We Do It..."

Maybe you’re not the same kind of obsessive-compulsive follower that I am. Let’s pretend for a minute you can’t reel off the names of Hollywood’s top 20 couples.

And you can’t recite verbatim the questionable choices made by Snookie & the gang over at the “Jersey Shore” house. Full disclosure -- I  can actually spout off the questionable choices made by virtually every reality show character, every season, for the past 10 years. But that’s a party trick for another day.

To say I follow our culture’s weirdest, shallowest oddities would be an understatement. I am positively OCD about it.  

You can do this too! Only you don’t have to spend hours watching mindless television or long moments in the nail salon reading thought-provoking analysis of aforementioned mindless television. All you have to do is follow “guru girl guide to greatness”. I’d be honored to be the weird, shallow, cultural oddity in your life.

Sign me up, guru girl. I know this is what’s going through your head. Take a look at the right-hand side of the blog. There are 2 ways to follow it. One way is to click “join this site”. Or there’s a box below it that says “follow by e-mail”. Input your desired e-mail address & presto, guru girl’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things trivial will be delivered right to your virtual doorstep! It’s even better than the morning newspaper, because it’ll never arrive soaked from the sprinkler.

Introduction

Like the celebrity who says she lost 70 pounds of baby weight simply by nursing and chasing her kids, the modern gal -- who says juggling it all comes easily -- is lying. There’s plenty of planning and tricks up her sleeve that she’s using to stay on top of the job, the house, the partner, the pets, the laundry, the kids, the social life and the holidays. That or Modern Gal is chugging Red Bull like it’s going out of style and main lining that 5 hour energy drink like heroin. You can do that. These are options. There are easier options. Like reading this blog.

Learn from my mistakes. I made -- and make, on a daily basis -- lots of them. Mistakes bring you experience. Experience is also known as wisdom. I don't have much innate wisdom. But I've got some. Aquired the hard way. PLENTY of mistakes. Better yet, I’ve read every self help book out there about how to live a reasonably sane life and easier ways to get there.

Add to that the fact that I’m pretty much a magazine whore, and we’ve got ourselves some know-how. Suckered by the “50 best ways” and “10 tricks” headlines of Real Simple and In Style? Me too. Every single time. Not an idiot savant when it comes to remembering this stuff? Gotcha there. I totally am. So save yourself the monthly subscription. This is the Cliff Notes version, complete with tell-all side notes about how I tried it a different way and what a disaster that was. If nothing else, you’ll be able to feel smugly superior. Best case? You’ll learn some tricks to make you even more unstoppable than you already are. Welcome to my blog!