There are 3 kinds of people I’m predisposed
to like immediately: teachers, hairstylists and dog owners. If you don’t fall
into one of these categories it doesn’t mean I won’t think you’re fantastic,
but you may have to work harder to get this point across.
Therapists and counselors make me nervous
because when chatting with them I think they’re secretly evaluating how
neurotic I am (which is true but disrupts my cocktail banter).
I
don’t like bankers as much because they tend to like golf, and there are few
topics I have no opinions about, but golf is one of them.
I like attorneys
because I did jury duty once and now like to get the inside scoop on things
like how to get out of jury duty next
time. I know, Mom, it’s what makes America
special, and if I were wronged and using our judicial system for my case
wouldn’t I want a smart and analytical person like me on the jury deciding my
case? Well, actually no, I wouldn’t want someone like me on the jury because I
know what I did during my jury duty stint, and none of it could be construed as
cogent, on-the-money analysis. I spent the week brainstorming names for the
baby I was about to have and thinking about how to make a graceful exit if my
water broke.
I actually like most people. I’m kind of
like our dog that way. But here’s the one profession that I despise, as I
believe everyone does: the police person who sits in the photo radar ticket
van. How do those people ever leave the van for lunch without getting egged by
passing motorists?
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