How To Get A Personal Shopper For Free

 

I love technology. Yes, it’s me, guru girl, writing. I know my favorite fella is spitting out his coffee as he reads this. He keeps asking,” When you gonna go on your Mac rant?” He thinks it’s funny when I get all fired up about this topic. We’ll just see how funny he thinks it is when I keel over from a rage-induced heart attack, and he’s left as the worst kind of single parent, a single parent -- of 2 daughters -- who can’t braid.

It’s true that I am less than thrilled with our Mac computer, and I can admit that because I haven’t drunk the Kool-aid yet. Come you, Mac lovers, over to the PC side. Admit it: pc’s are easier. And no one ever makes those elaborate Mac movies anyway.

When our daughters grow up and get married we aren’t going to have a slide show of movies or family pictures. Because our Mac flamed out last week and took these precious memories along for the ride. Instead we shall show a parade of the girls’ favorite art projects… and here is the penis candle crafted by the bride when she was 9 (cross reference: June 13 post). It will be quirky and homespun, the exact way my friend Dianne describes me.

Quirky and homespun are good adjectives for a future mother-of-the-bride. Not good adjectives to describe one’s wardrobe. But guru girl, what if I hate to shop, you’re thinking. What’s a gal to do? Technology has an answer, and it’s worlds removed from the black screen of death you get when the OS fails.

Technology’s answer is the Me-Ality body scanner. These are body scanners like you see at the airport. Only instead of revealing your lady bits in the name of national security, it reveals them in the name of finding a fabulous outfit. If that’s not worth it, I don’t know what is. You find the scanner at the mall, you step into it and it uses radio waves to identify your shape. It then matches your shape with the most flattering outfits available at the mall.

A few minutes after the scan, the machine spits out a paper filled with outfits for you, the store where they’re located, the size you’ll need and the price you’ll pay. There are 47 stores in their database, ranging from Nordstrom to Guess.

The Me-ality scanner basically functions as your own personal shopper, only you don’t have to pal around Nordstrom with her and pretend you know how to pronounce Yves Saint Laurent. And this service is free. Free, free, free. 

There is only one drawback, and it’s a big one. There are only 62 of these wonderful machines in the entire country. And if you live in the West, even a hopping, metropolitan hub in the West (as guru girl does), you will be logging a whole lot of miles before you’re remotely close to a Me-ality scanner.

But many of us have summer travel on our schedules. Me? Next week I am journeying to Wisconsin to visit the in-laws. Wisconsin is very close to Illinois, which boasts a metropolitan hub filled with fashionable gals.

Was it wrong of me to go on the site (me-ality.com) to search and see if Chicago has a scanner? If it was wrong, I don’t want to be right because that’s exactly what I did. There’s not just one scanner, there are 4 of them! In Chicago and Orland Park and Schaumburg and North Brook.

Now all that’s standing between me and a personalized, me-ality style recommendation are 50 miles and finding a good excuse to be MIA from the family vacation for a few hours. In a few weeks, I’ll let you know the results. If any of you have tried this scanner gizmo, give us the details. Enquiring minds want to know.