Magic 8 Ball Says...

In a telephone poll they’re asking voters the following question: If you were on a ship in a storm at sea, who would you want to be the captain? Obama or Romney?

Apparently they are using this question to try to determine who will win the presidential race. This part doesn’t interest me as much, as I think it sounds like the kind of nonsensical, Magic 8 ball prediction typically practiced at my house, and I’ve seen how that turns out.

 

“Magic 8 Ball, will my fella remember to take out the trash?”

Answer: Future is unclear.

Editor’s note: Exactly. About as unclear as our garbage can.  

But I am interested in the question itself, at a personal level. If I were on a ship, in a storm, at sea, who would I want to be the captain? I had to ponder it for awhile, but I came up with an answer. My vote for captain would be my friend Ashley’s husband. I can’t use his name here because it’s distinctive, and he works in finance, and you know my policy about protecting the identities of my friends who have dignified jobs. But here’s why I would pick Ashley’s husband:

1.     He’s handy.

2.    He’s level-headed.

3.    He already has a boat.

4.    He puts up with my friend, Ashley. So he would totally be used to putting up with the kind of histrionics I would throw at him. (Ashley is like a sister to me so I can say this sort of thing; also, she is a Scorpio and you know how Scorpios are.)

5.    He’s not related to me. I always behave better, more courteously, more courageously, and in a less pain-in-the ass manner, with non-family members.

6.    He has demonstrated past skills. Ashley’s husband did, ultimately, find and dispose of the garter snake that showed up for dinner at their house one night. He only did this once I stood on a chair, and said I was going to stay at a hotel if he didn’t. But this incident shows that he reacts well under pressure and also to threats of revolt, all important traits when adrift at sea.

So my choice for ship captain is Ashley’s husband. If you knew him, he’d probably be your choice as well. Which means he should give up the finance gig and start eyeing higher office. I would totally volunteer to run his Magic 8 ball, popularity polls.  

Ponder your own answer to this question. Then tell the person you would choose that they’re your choice. Tell ‘em why. It will brighten their day, and these days we all need a little of that.