How To Buy A Green Thumb

I returned home from my recent trip to find 4 of my plants in the sink, fully doused. It could mean only one thing: while I was away, my mother had been over to water the plants. Which you’d think would be a good thing when it was, in fact, a very, very bad thing. My mother had watered my fake plants. All 4 of them, as fake as a starlet’s bolt ons (for my friend, Dianne, who is mystified by half the lingo I use: bolt on = surgically enhanced bosom).

I guess it’s good my fake plants look so real that my mom was fooled into watering them. Because fake-looking fake plants are a big decorating no-no. But having a springy, green, living element in your living room is a design “do”. What are the plant killers among us to do?

Buy realistic looking fake plants, of course! Bonus points if you mix them in with some real plants. This way you only have to remember to water a few plants and when you kill them a few months down the road you only have the expense of replacing a few ferns versus a whole fern forest.

The key to fake plants is getting good-looking ones (and remembering to dust them). Good-looking ones are expensive. You need to just bite the bullet and accept that fact. Here’s a fantastic resource for them that I just learned about: dianejameshome.com. (Click this link to go to dianejameshome.com to see what I'm talking about.) I plan on utilizing this outlet very soon for some replacements for my waterlogged ones.

Restoration Hardware also has some great-looking topiaries. And Ikea has some options too that are not as real-looking but way cheap. These would be good if placed high up on a bookshelf or in some location where visitors can’t get an “up close” look at them.)

When I order mine, I’m going to throw an extra plant in as a “thank you” gift to my mom for all the plant-watering and dog-sitting she did while I was away. When you order, get one for your mom too for Mother’s Day. Add a cute note about how you appreciate how she’s helped you “grow” all these years.  Cute and time-saving because you’ll stash it in a closet and whip it out in May for the big day. Is this advice guru good? Nope. Guru great.