It's The End Of The World But Decorist.com Can Help

We are breaking the world. Scientists just released a report with dire news: There are 9 deal breakers when it comes to the environment. We’ve busted through 4 of them and pretty soon the planet’s gonna redline.

Of course the report didn’t say it exactly this way, but that’s the gist. The report said stuff like, “The likely destabilization of the Earth could occur in decades to a century.”

So if my kids have the kind of life span boasted by their great-great-grandma (who lived to be 100), Earth could close. In their lifetime.

Huh.

This news doesn’t make me want to compost or reduce my carbon footprint.

It makes me want to redecorate.

Because the Dynamic Duo are gonna need to know how to make their spaceships cozy when they’re 100 years old and living on them permanently.

Because apparently that’s the plan. Scientists say technology will help us so we can “live outside planetary boundaries”. On spaceships. Like that weird Tom Cruise movie.

I am not making this up. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that neither am I making up this great, new design website: decorist.com. (Click this link to visit decorist.com.)

Decorist.com brings the services of a professional designer to the masses without the hefty price tag.

Here’s how it works: You e-mail a picture of your problematic room to the site. Include important details like your style and budget for the project and a designer sketches out 2 different plans for your room, complete with info on where you can buy the items she’s chosen. All via e-mail. All for $199.

Total win. And it's much more fun to consider redecorating than it is to consider relocating to another place. Like the stratosphere. 

Moisturizing Made Easy: Nivea In Shower Body Lotion!

Suggestible people should not be allowed to read books about, say, hoarding. Because a suggestible reader would then start eyeing the contents of her own house with great suspicion. Is it just normal-clutter or hoarding-clutter?

And then action must be taken. Junk drawers cleaned. Closets weeded. Basement storage tackled.

Whew. I am exhausted. But still suggestible. Which is why I should also quit watching prime time television. I actually did this last night but only because the State Of The Union address was on.

Most nights I do watch prime time television and most nights this new, miraculous Nivea lotion is advertised. In fact, it’s advertised so often the suggestible among us don’t stand a chance.

So I gave up the fight and bought some today. Nivea In-Shower Body Lotion is lotion you spray on yourself right in the shower, while you’re still drenched from the shower. It only adds 30 seconds to your morning routine. And you do it before you even touch a towel.(Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can buy Nivea In Shower Body Lotion for around $6.)

Because those Nivea chemists know it’s January, it’s cold and our skin is cracking and red. But some of us are too busy to apply lotion because every spare minute is being spent de-cluttering our houses so we don’t become accidental hoarders.

But this little Nivea number is one product worth hoarding if you see it on special at Cost Co. Because after a few spritzes, you’re encased in a little bubble of moisturized greatness. For a full 24 hours, your skin’s impervious to wind, snow and storage box paper cuts!

Happy moisturizing, guru girls & guys!

2 Top Books:"We Were Liars" & "The House We Grew Up In"

Am not sure I’m loving the big trend of cut out gowns on the red carpet these days. You know the Golden Globe dresses I’m talking about.

Beautiful girls in dresses apparently tailored by Edward Scissorhands. Huh.

In fashion, cut outs aren’t so hot. But in fiction? Bring them on!

Just finished not 1 but 2 books with suffering heroines whose memories had been hacked. Huge chunks of time simply erased, otherwise known as the memory cut out.

The memory cut out is sad for our heroines but good for us as readers because we can’t put the books down, so eager are we to find out what in the heck happened.

I finished the first book We Were Liars by E. Lockhart in 2 days. It’s technically a young adult title, but the book deals with some very adult themes. And it’s so good it’ll keep you up reading way past the average young adult’s bedtime!

 The book’s about Cadence, a teenage member of the elite Sinclair family, and the apocryphal events that unfold one summer at their island estate off of the Cape. (Trying saying that 3 times fast.)

Why is Cadence at the center of the action, but in retrospect she can’t remember anything about it?

Is she like guru girl when hosting a dinner party, so distracted by possibility of cooking catastrophe that she blanks entire event out? Or is the reason behind her memory loss something more sinister?

The book is an examination of love & loyalty, class & race with a smidgen of betrayal and denial thrown in, just for fun. It ends with the very high cost this wealthy family pays when all these issues collide.(Click this link to check out "We Were Liars" on amazon.com where you can buy it for around $10.)

The House We Grew Up In by Lisa Jewell looks at some of the same themes but through the lens of hoarding. The Birds are a charming, English family, helmed by whimsical & packrattish mother, Lorelei. Childhood for the four Bird siblings is idyllic until something goes very wrong in their teenage years.

What happened to make the family implode? Why won’t Lorelei speak of or even remember it? (Click this link to go to amazon.com to check out more about "The House We Grew Up In", which you can get for around $12.)

 Both these reads are fantastic. Though maybe not quite as fantastic as the Golden Globes, which has its own cast of charmed protagonists with their own doomed fates (cut out gown, anyone?).

Happy reading, guru girls & guys!

4 Style Rules To Live By

This bedazzled burkini is the sort of thing I would buy just because it's on sale.

 What is wrong with me?!

I am never breaking style rule #3: do not buy stuff just because it is on sale ever again. Last month I went and broke it.

Twice.

The annual sales they were having at Sundance and Boden were killer. Great items. Even greater prices. What’s not to like?

It turns out there’s everything not to like about this scenario… starting with the way the clothes look on me! There is a reason that boho chic tunic is a steal of a deal at $19.99. Because its weird cut makes me look like I’m wearing a small, pup tent!

This is why they have 12,000 of them in leftover stock. These companies should actually be paying me $19.99 to take it off their hands.

Now I have to package the stuff up, send it back and remember to check my Visa to ensure my account is credited. This will totally happen as I am definitely not one to let mundane details slip. (Last statement untrue as my “to do” list is made up of nothing but these mundane details because I procrastinate with them until the end of time!)

  

Guru girls, remember your style rules. Live by them. And save yourself much time, angst and postage.

Style Rules

Rule #1: Try stuff on. Always. 

Rule #2: The most you’re going to love something is when you’re trying it on in the dressing room. If you’re not doing the “how cute am I” twirl in it in the dressing room, do not buy it.

Rule #3: Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale and think the low price 

is going to make you love it. 

Rule #4: Before you buy something think of the exact outfit you’re going to wear it with. And the exact occasion. If you can’t think of these two things, back away from the item.

Apparently most of us wear 20% of what is in our closet all the time. This statistic infuriates me, as do most statistics and math in general. Follow these style rules and kick those style mistakes (80%???) to the curb.

Happy shopping, guru girls!

2 Shoes You'll Wear Forever Under $25

January magazine season is almost upon us. It is the worst magazine season if you are a “Self” or “In Shape” reader. Because January is when they feature their most infuriating articles, the ones designed to get you excited about the gym.

It’s almost as bad as this new trainer I foolishly hired recently: Peppy Trainer Guy. Peppy Trainer Guy led me through a whole series of very painful exercises. When I finally voiced my concern – and pain level – he grinned zealously and said,”I know. Ah-may-zing, right?”

No, Peppy Trainer Guy. Not Ah-may-zing. Just Pah-ain-ful.

This pain is what led to my latest shoe purchase: the animal print slip on. I like it because it’s cheetah print, which reads like a neutral yet jazzes up any outfit.

I like it even more because it’s a slip on, which means you don’t have to bend over to pull it on. This is a major plus if Peppy Trainer Guy has made you do so many planks and lunges that your abs and glutes sear with pain any time you even think of moving, much less bending over to put on your shoes.

Next week Peppy Trainer Guy thinks he’s showing me a “15 Minute Speed Shred” routine. But the only thing I’m going to be shredding is his business card. Because life’s too short to be in this much pain.

May January bring you a better attitude about fitness goals than guru girl (and lots of new shoes!)(Click this link to go to target.com where you can get these shoes for around $25.) They also have them in a quilted, black leather (so sporty!)

And Steve Madden is making a really cute pair in plaid. Love! (Click this link to see the plaid shoes, available for around $23.)

Good Read: The Objects Of Her Affection by Cobb

So the Beta fish has died. So have the Aqua dragons.

The dragons are tiny, sea horse-like creatures that come in a toy box, with instructions that remind you the aqua’s are living creatures. So feed them, take care of them and don’t kill them, certainly not in the first week.

The 9 year old is bummed. She’s declared herself a bad pet parent. I know what it’s like to feel you’re a bad parent, just because you got excited and fed your wards, um, 9 times the recommended amount.

Actually that one particular parenting mishap has never happened to me. But it’s about the only one. I can check the box on all the others. I’m a perfectionist that way.

Here’s who else is a perfectionist: Sophie, the heroine of the book I’m currently reading The Objects Of Her Affection: A Novel.

30something Sophie is married to a guy who works in an art museum. They have two, little kids and a too-expensive starter home they just bought.

Sophie struggles to revive not only this historic Victorian but also her career, her marriage and her parenting style. It’s a lot of balls to have in the air, and Sophie’s perfectionist streak won’t let her drop even one.

The story’s set up is chic-lit typical: ambitious mom struggling with responsibilities. We know Sophie. Heck, we may have even been Sophie. But Sophie’s problems mount, and she starts to make choices that are – for lack of a better word – hellawack. (How great is that word? I try to use it as often as humanly possible. Just because.)

Then the intrigue escalates, and the story spins into something far different than a typical, domestic drama.

The book’s been compared to Gone Girl so I’m thinking something really sick &/or titillating happens in it soon. (Possibly in a shower? Possibly to Ben Affleck cast in the husband role when it’s made into a movie?) I joke. I joke.

But am thinking there’s going to be some twisted stuff happening in this seemingly benign, family drama. Twisty, turny stuff that makes you question the meaning of identity, family, loyalty and love. All good themes to explore this holiday season when cooped up in a house with your own dysfunctional family!

Hope the holiday season is treating you well and brings you much joy and peace and no beta fish, aqua dragons and/or their accompanying drama ;) 

If you're really on the "nice" list and get time to read, give The Objects Of Her Affection a try! (Click this link to go to amazon.com where you can get this title for around $11.)

Holiday Party Style In A Snap (& A Skirt)

I not only survived Operation Gumball at the school crafting day, I enjoyed it. 

Kid crafters making stuff for their families? I tell you, it warms the heart.

Here’s what else warms the heart: Anthropologie’s Fallen Star Skirt.

A maxi skirt with cascading golden waves? What’s not to like?

Perfect for the holidays and the whole winter season. Easy to dress up or down. The skirt is adorable on – I saw a gal pair it with a close fitting, nautical striped shirt. Casual elegance with just the right amount of sparkle for a holiday party.

 At the store, Anthropologie is showing it with a worn jean jacket. The perfect mix of high and low fashion! Good for concerts, bistros and anywhere else you want to look funky but not like you’re trying too hard. (Click this link to go to anthropologie.com where you can get this skirt for $168.)

Love, love, love it. The skirt’s a total two-fer: will warm your heart and make your fella’s sizzle with lust for the bod wearing it. That’s how hot you’re gonna look.

Steps for a mui caliente Merry Christmas:

1.      Buy this skirt.

2.    Wear this skirt.

Happy holidays, guru girls & guys!